I find it difficult to be around people who are mentally healthy sometimes. Like they are very chip and happy and I am here dying inside feeling like if I expose myself then I will be a huge burden to them so I try my best to act okay but that drains me more
Yeah I know how you feel. I feel like I don’t belong a lot of times. It’s isolating.
Sorry to hear that. I'm looking at in-person ocd support groups if that helps you. There are also OCD walks and at least in the LA area there are monthly meetings at random locations for people with OCD to just hang out
@JS55555 That is so cool you have those opportunities in your area!
@Amy B. Yeah I am actually in Kansas where there are very few mental health resources but I will be moving to LA in a few weeks so I am excited to have those resources
@JS55555 Awesome!!
I hear you. You're not alone
Thank you!
me too. it's the worst :(
It’s really hard and I have gotten really good at masking. The problem with masking in public is it leaves me so mentally exhausted by the time I get home I don’t have much left for my family.
I am the same way. I am pretty sure masking became a compulsion for me. I have found other excuses to tell people for falling behind in school like just being burnt out. In reality I was googling for 16 hours straight while terrified
I also get almost angry at life? Or I don't know at what exactly. But I get mad that I have to suffer and they don't. That they get to use their energy for everyday things and that they get to actually enjoy moments while I have to live with such a torturous brain and every moment of joy in my life gets interrupted by my intrusive thoughts. It's hard to witness their life and know you will never have it that easy.
@anca And all of that is made even more difficult because people don't understands OCD. I'm pretty sure I seem lazy to others, but really I am trying so hard and this pathetic life is all I have to show for it.
Yeah I know what you mean. In addition to what you said it is also rough to think back on times when I was doing better and remember what felt like another planet. It just feels so unfair. Like for most of my life it has seemed so foreign to me to be able to enjoy major happy life moments. On my intake forum for therapy I put "something good happening" as one of the things that sets my OCD off. Tortuous brain is such a great way to explain it. It is like having an abusive bully that can read your thoughts so it always knows exactly how to get to you.
@Amy B. 10000000%! I went though hell last year during a major episode. I started falling behind in life and some people just think I was just lazy. It also sucks that most people's understanding of OCD is so different from what it actually is. Too many people think that it is a hidden gift and not the brutal terrifying disorder that it actually is.
@JS55555 Yeah, I'm embarrassed to tell people the reason I am struggling is OCD because I can just imagine what is running through their heads.
@Amy B. Exactly! Most have a difficult time understanding that I can have ocd and not be organized
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