Constantly being observed OCD?

I hate the feeling of being observed, and I think its OCD somehow, but I feel like everything I do is being observed and evaluated. I love making friends and stuff, but now im so stressed its just annoying. Plus i feel like my friends and those around me are just evaluating me and I know theyre not but it seems like it. Its the reason i have so much anxiety going to school. There are a couple thousand people my age observing me every single day. This year especially, ive cried in public more than once with no idea why. It was so embarrassing. I am realizing that I think it was feeling observed when I was so tired and couldnt keep up with the obligations of what i felt i had to do in those situations. I have kept myself from crying at school, but every day especially in the cafeteria. I feel like running away alone to cry. By the time I get home im so exhausted from feeling observed and like i have to be perfect to whoever is observing me all day. Which is 2,000 people btw, so its beyond stressful cause i feel like a failure every day. And its only the first week of school. Last year i was so stressed I practically gave up anything I liked at school (my style, my weight (i stress ate a lot which made it worse),my personality, ect.) because i was such a failure. Kind of a downer post sorry about that.

Eldian

Date posted: 22h

I can relate to this post, I felt similarly for a time when I was in school. I remember walking to my tutor classroom in the morning and having the realisation that people were looking at me and suddenly walking straight felt difficult, my legs got shaky and I was so afraid of looking weird. Fear of being socially rejected is pretty innate, but school makes it worse because sometimes you’re in a pool of people you wouldn’t really want to appease anyway but not fitting in still gives you that anxiety. I think firstly I’ll say that people actually don’t care as much as your anxiety is making you believe. Secondly, it takes a lot of work but being able to slow down, breathe and allow yourself to take up space because you have as much right to be there as everyone else. You don’t want to appease everyone, you’re your own character and deciding whose opinions you respect and why is good. But then again, you’re in school and kids are kind of stupid by nature of being kids. Don’t shrink yourself and who you’re supposed to become because of the opinions of other children. Trying not to focus so much on yourself and thinking about how you could be perceived helps. Focus on other people, what’s around you, maybe ask questions. I’ve found out as an adult that myself and my sister probably have something called rejection sensitivity disorder. It might do you well to research it a little bit and see if you can relate to it.

Aroura247

Date posted: 22h

Thank you, I will look into that. I think im mostly worried about offending someone because Im a Christian and I dont want to do anything that would make Him say “I never knew you” so yeah

Eldian

Date posted: 15h

@Aroura247 Jesus offended plenty of people in His time, being the new king and all. It’s impossible to please everyone and that’s not what Jesus asks of us anyway. “If the world hates you, know that it hated me first”. Live in line with your faith the best you can, when you inevitably stumble, that’s okay because He died for our sins because He loves us.

Aroura247

Date posted: 15h

I love this sm, thank youuu. I have to remember that its just a feeling not the reality of what God expects from me. This helps put it into perspective

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