My biggest trigger is my healthy relationship!!!

Ive entered a new relationship recently and its really healthy. But ever since we got serious i get these repeating thoughts that im not good enough for him and the feeling/thoughts hijacks my body and mind when im spending time with him especially recently and i know hes starting to notice when im not present.. i worry its going to ruin our connection if I cant always be present. And even that becomes a persistent thought. So the cycle begins and never ends. This has put me in a really depressed and anxious state of mind and it takes up most of my energy and day. I have an urge to break up to end the pain and also out of fear of rejection. But I know that would let my thoughts win:/ Part of my problem is I also try to mask my emotions which causes more pain- it’s just really hard not to because it’s what I’ve done all my life. I wish I could be real and embrace all parts of myself and stop hiding, running, performing! It’s fucking exhausting… Does anyone else experience this? Is there any hope for me. I fear this will ruin the best relationship I’ve ever had and I’ve been trying so hard not to let it. I wish there was an answer to all this chaos in my mind and end to the spiraling. I just want to heal and it be over with. I just want to be happy and enjoy my life. I just want to feel like I am enough for someone who genuinely puts in effort and energy for me.

ryliev

Date posted: 9h

The best thing I did with my current boyfriend was explain to him my ROCD experience. I friendzoned him three times before we started actually dating five months later. The right person will be patient with you every step of the way. So honestly just be honest, be patient with yourself, and hang in there. You got this !!

Lalillie

Date posted: 5h

@ryliev This guy is like dream man, cute asf smart funny witty so my brain is trying extra hard to reject him. Universe was like oh so your feeling good about yourself being single? How bout if we put this man right in your path when you’re not ready to be in a relationship and see what happens lmao. So yeah it’s just been quite the experience

Anonymous

Date posted: 8h

OMG, I’m having the exact same experience right now! I’m in the first healthy relationship of my entire life. I’m in my early 30s and I’m constantly spiraling about every little thing.

Lalillie

Date posted: 5h

@Anonymous Me too and it makes me feel crazy but I’m up for the challenge! We deserve good things too!!

Anonymous

Date posted: 8h

OH YES I CAN RELATE. But for some calm, I can let you know that I have been in my healthy relationship for 6 years now and we are getting married next year. What helps me is instead of ruminating or inviting him into the talks and confessing these thoughts or instead of asking him for reassurance as often, I explain ROCD to him. I’ve let him know that the reassurance seeking is a compulsion and if I ask specific questions to remind me they are compulsions. He does this so automatically now that, most of the time, when I have a sticky thought I don’t even ask for the reassurance because I recognize the impulse as a compulsion before I say it. It’s been very helpful. My intrusive thoughts would always be to break up with him but exploring that in ERP has been so helpful. You’ve got this. We can do it

Lalillie

Date posted: 5h

@Anonymous Yes I totally get what your saying, I don’t know how to go about our situation yet since I’m used to automatically censoring myself and hiding it that I don’t even realize it till I’m spiraling again. I think I just need get over the shame and be honest but my worst fear and biggest looping thought is being a burden to him because I’m “broken” so it would be literally going against that thought process.

Akapple

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8h

Same. I’m literally engaged and planning a wedding and have been with the love of my life for over three years. But ROCD will still say that none of this “feels right”. I feel y’all’s pain!

Lalillie

Date posted: 5h

@Akapple same here everything feels off to me and then I assume it feels off to him too and that I’m just weighing him down. How did you get to the point of engagement with ocd? I’m still fighting the urge to call it off 😭

rainy_daygg

Date posted: 6h

I’m having the same thing, new relationship, first healthy one, SO HAPPY, MASSIVE spirals immediately following that. It’s such a backwards feeling, but it’s normal. For me opening up to my boyfriend about my OCD with no filters was super helpful, now he understands that when ROCD comes up it’s not him, and he knows how to best support me.

Lalillie

Date posted: 5h

@rainy_daygg Does it happen a lot? Mine happens like almost every day now. Like the longer we’re together the more I spiral and don’t feel like myself around him. I haven’t gotten much treatment for ocd bc I literally just came to the conclusion that this is what it is. So I hope to god there’s a way to deal with it without having to feel like a weight on him all the time

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