Agoraphobia

@Boooperbear I’ve been getting out some but not nearly as much as I’d like. The fight or flight startles me out of no where mainly in public. The car rides aren’t too bad but until I can figure out how to stop these attacks it’s definitely a struggle being outside my comfort zone and standing in long lines at department stores. Home isn’t always my comfort zone, I experience some fight or flight here as well. It starts as soon as my eyes open so the start of each day is always the hardest. Having IBS-C flare ups contributes to the anxiety as well. I have a long way to go but taking baby steps.

@Miss understood Well I’m proud of you for taking it one day at a time and still going out and doing things! I know it is exhausting. I’m here for you if you want someone to talk to!

@Boooperbear Thank you! I’m trying so hard but have come to the conclusion that if you’re spiritual as I am this is the devil and I’m ready to get baptized and find a church to attend. He has wrecked my mind and I’m fighting back along with help from this community and therapy. I’ve lost just about everything that has ever had meaning so all I can do is go up. I feel I’m already down as far as I can go and I appreciate you allowing me to put my personal feelings out here with no judgment and allowing me to reach out to you if need be. Honestly I’m always looking for someone to talk to sometimes until late at night. I’m more verbal than texting but it’s better than nothing. Thanks for listening 💜✝️

@Boooperbear Nice to meet you and talk. Absolutely, I wish you the best on this journey and grateful for people like you who understand. I’m also here as well if you ever need an ear. I’m very open and honest so feel free to message me anytime. I’m sure you’re a very good husband and father even with this what I call “a big ugly mess”. Meeting new people who understand the fight or flight response that has become a viscous cycle for 5 years now are great to talk to making “feeling alone” a false alarm because I’m not entirely alone. This is one of my biggest struggles. Take care : ) -Kim, single with 5 adult children with the horrific loss of one child.

@Miss understood I’m so sorry :( it sounds like you’ve been through sooo much :( I’m always open to having talks with you and am here for you!

@Boooperbear Thank you! It’s definitely overwhelming.

@Miss understood How are you feeling this evening?

@Boooperbear I’ve calmed down to the point I’m manic and some people enjoy that affect some don’t but I like the feeling bc all my worries, anxiety, depression etc. disappears so I like to sit up and enjoy feeling like the person I was before all the mental health issues happened. I regret going to bed bc I know I’ll wake up in fight or flight it’s always a guarantee so I don’t look forward to that so as of now I feel like my old self. If that makes any sense…

@Miss understood I’m sorry :( that sounds really exhausting. I can see what you’re saying. Is there anything I could do to help?

@Boooperbear I agree

@Boooperbear I just in a couple of days met a very nice, empathetic, caring gentleman that is experiencing everything I’m dealing with. It I feel was no coincidence how we met bc of my faith. My brother’s septic tank of all things was overflowing because it had a pipe broken and his girlfriend called the emergency line in our city and they sent someone out immediately. Remember, I don’t really like to leave the house… I had prayed and prayed for god to send me a caring, understanding and empathetic man in my life because dating before never worked out because they didn’t understand my issues and rudely seem to get tired of hearing about my struggles, understandable “I guess” i probably seemed like to much so I gave up BUT this gentleman that came out after talking about random things noticed me shaking a bit and asked if I was okay, I just kinda nodded and explained I was just going through a hard time in life and was currently battling anxiety and depression and he took a deep breath and said I completely understand I’m dealing with the same and he thought he was alone. I assured him his feelings were valid and I also understood his struggles and I saw a tear fall from his eye and asked if I could give him a hug and he allowed it and I could feel him shaking as I feel with both took a deep breath. Long story short, my brother in his past had been in a cycle of anxiety and beat it so this guy felt very safe and felt he could open up as if he had so much built up. After briefly talking he got right on the septic tank and I hung around as well as my brother just to keep him company as he worked 4 hours patiently making sure it was fixed when it had gotten so late he could have chosen to come back the next day but being so comfortable being around two people that understood him he was hesitant to not finish the job he just said he wanted it done right. Well after exchange numbers unexpectedly we have talked over the phone a lot and he kindly asked if he could stop by the next day to check on the tank then him and I started talking more so in just those few days he has stopped by to check on me and has asked me out. I’m really excited but I don’t want to move to fast because I’m better at taking things slow as i analyze everything in my life. He’s supposed to stop by tomorrow our lunch to see me so we will see where this goes…. I’ve never felt some calm until I met someone who experiences the identical feelings I carry as ugly weight every day. I’m grateful and don’t want to mess this up. God is good!!! I honestly think he was god sent. Anyone from the city could have showed up but he got the call first. Excited to see where this goes.

@Miss understood I made some mistakes with wording I forgot to proof read, hope you decipher what I meant as some of the sentences have the wrong words. Oops. : /

@Miss understood Wow that’s awesome, I’m happy for you and that’s great that you feel excited for the future of where it goes!!!