Parenting OCD

Just when I start getting better a new theme shows up. My current obsessions and compulsions revolve around my kids and their education. I have a 6th grade son and 2nd grade son. I am a Christian and I need to trust God with my children but lately I’ve been on a spiral about my kids futures planning for college constantly checking grades and having a very high expectation of them. I hate to be this person but it scares me if they don’t succeed. I know it’s the OCD causing me to want to control every aspect of my kids education. It’s this need to have everything controlled and perfect that is making me exhausted. I get so tired of OCD. I wish I could just get better ❤️‍🩹 any other parents experience this?

tarantula ke...

Date posted: 14h

Grades are less important than learning the the material. A lot of A+ kids are just good at memorizing and that has zero value in the real world. My wife and I were both B students. I'm a chemist and she is a veterinarian. Don't worry about the grades if they are C and above. Ultimately, your GPA does not matter after your first job and no one wants to hire a parrot. Let them be kids and keep learning fun. If you take the joy out of learning by hounding them, you will do incredible damage to their futures. They should want to learn because it's fun, not because mom rides their ass. You can help them by finding resources that make said topics fun. Tons of good channels and shows that are very good for that.

Annie7

Date posted: 12h

@tarantula keeper You’re absolutely right! After feeling a little better i sat down and thought about the all people I know that are happy and successful in their careers and not all of them were A+ students. So true what you said about learning and understanding the behavior has far more value and impact than the grades we get. I am happy that I can come along side my boys and help them learn and I will look for some creative ways to learn with them.

Chlover612

Date posted: 11h

@tarantula keeper So true, and many kiddos learn differently/ uniquely to themselves. I was always super smart and had really good “street smarts,” but struggled a lot in school to get anything better than a C or high B because teachers struggled to teach me the right way/ due to undiagnosed adhd, anxiety and depression especially once puberty hit. Then once high school drama and new experiences came into play I just struggled more. Most public school systems suck, and aren’t made with the kids who struggle to keep up in mind.

Chlover612

Date posted: 15h

Remember too that their mental health is just as, if not more important than their education. Maybe redirecting to doing research on some proven methods that work (to take comfort that you’re not doing something “wrong” or outside of your morals)? And remember that regardless of the outcome, they’re their own little people with their own little minds, so the best you can do is be there to support them on their own journeys as they grow ❤️ If your focus is their health and happiness, no matter what happens it’ll be a success and they’ll look back and be grateful to have had such a supportive parent 🥰

Annie7

Date posted: 12h

@Chlover612 Thank you for the advice. My boys are incredibly smart. They get good grades and I know the OCD is just louder now because of all the changes in setting . It my sons first year in middle school and we’re all trying to work together to navigate all the changes. I am fully aware that having high expectations is damaging. I was a first generation immigrant student who is also the first born and there’s was definitely a lot more pressure on me as the oldest. I don’t want to put my kids through that. I need help and will continue getting it here with the support of my therapist and the OCD community. I have always supported them and will continue. I just need to be very very careful when these obsessions/compulsions about school try to take over. I’m singing my oldest up for therapy as well because I’ve seen some patterns in him that make me question if he may also struggle with OCD. I hope not but I’ll be here for him no matter what.

Anonymous

Date posted: 13h

I’m not a parent, but i do know that we have a Perfect Father in Heaven Who will guide your kids, whatever grades they have. Remember, He doesn’t expect perfection from us, He gives us the grace we need for each day! (i struggle with trying to be perfect for Him)

Annie7

Date posted: 12h

@Anonymous Amen!!! Yes he is the perfect father 🥹 and yes he has so much grace for us and that’s the grace I pray I can extend to my kids. I’ve struggled with perfectionism for so long and I don’t want to put my kids through that. I need to pray that God protects and guides them because he is the only one that can do a perfect job

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