Postpartum and catastrophizing

I’m a year postpartum. We have 3 kids - 4, 2, and 1. With all the stuff going on with a particular case, I have been struggling a LOT with thinking I’m a horrible mom because I have PPA/PPD and OCD. Like I’m trying to convince myself I don’t hate my children. I know I love them. Why did I let this happen? Why can’t I fix my brain? Why do I feel like a failure? I’m ashamed that I’m struggling and frustrated. I’m also now fixating on the thought that if I continue to talk to others about my own struggles they’ll think I’m just like her. I need to figure out how to end this loop. It’s been days. I’m also now worrying about the end of the world and have been researching emergency supplies all day to add to our “just in case” stash. Typing this all out makes me feel crazy. Any tips for putting a stop to these thoughts? I need to reframe and move on. I’ve been so angry and snappy today.

kwilly

Date posted: Yesterday

i’m struggling with perinatal depression right now and i think it’s because im afraid of the pp side of it also due to the particular case. i’m starting erp soon and i’m hoping that’ll they’ll calm my nerves around that time. but it has also made me feel like a bad mom to my two year old. i love her more than anything but ive felt disconnected due to my ocd spiral. i don’t think you’re a bad mom at all you’re having a hard time and sometimes we need those hard times to have the good. does it suck yea but we know we can come out the other end. i had the end of the world fear during my first pregnancy and honestly it’s so consuming. i felt like the more i worried the worse the fear became. idk if you’re seeing be posted anywhere but what i did was get off everything social media wise. it’s a fear tactic. things to get clicks. it’s your mind holding on to something we can’t comprehend and it’s something we never will and that’s okay. that’s how i looked at it and my whole perspective changed on it. it’s literally out of our control so why try to control it. i hope this helped having someone who can relate alot. i think you’re an amazing mom who just needs some extra love and support!

Amber95

Date posted: 18h

@kwilly That does help a lot. Thank you. I actually said yesterday I’m going to take a break from social media because it’s everywhere and it just sends me into a spiral. I start therapy next week and I think I’m just way more aware of how things affect me AND how I react to/fixate on them since getting diagnosed. I’m to just compartmentalize until things level out a bit. I appreciate you sharing your experience!

kwilly

Date posted: 16h

@Amber95 i just made a post about that where i sometimes wonder if being diagnosed did me more harm than good. i can’t tell anymore between a normal thought or an ocd thought. i’m glad i had an answer to why i had such intense thoughts but it’s been alittle louder. i’m glad you’re taking the next step!

alyssa90

Date posted: 20h

I wish I could hug you, I feel like your me. The case got me deep into ocd too, after years of nothing I mean like 4 years of just loving life. My kids are 11 and 6 and it still freaked me out and in this case she was a nurse and I’m a nurse my mind was just blown and went into full ocd mode, I couldn’t help it. I started frantically analyzing myself and telling myself everyday I love my kids like I swear I was saying it every minute of every hour of the whole day and I was trying to convince myself that I do love them but when I would say it i would doubt it and didn’t feel certain in my answer, it was just awful. I lost 20 lbs could not eat I was shaking. Then I had terrible thoughts what if I just do it, it was awful and so scary. I felt crazy to and still do at times, literally thought it could happen and that scared the living hell out of me and then I would analyze and doubt my feelings like am I scared? Do I want to be scared of these thoughts? As you can see it’s very debilitating I’m still recovering from this but we can do it! It has gotten better with meds, some days I fall apart and some days I can see it’s all ocd playing tricks. I hope this helps ❤️ talk to me anytime

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