Struggling with harm based suicidal OCD

2 months ago my dad committed suicide and over the past week I’ve been having harm based suicidal ocd theme. This is a new theme for me and makes me feel very anxious. My thoughts went from “what if I’m depressed” to “what if what happened to my dad will happen to me” to “what if I’m suicidal” to “kill yourself” to when I’m doing my ERP exercises my brain tells me take all of my pills. This has been the worst cycle I’ve been and I’m just looking for support. Thank you ❤️‍🩹

eelaaiinaa

Date posted: Yesterday

I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you right now. You’re not alone! How can we support you here?

skelly214

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@eelaaiinaa Thank you ❤️ maybe some ways you guys deal with intrusive scary / uncomfortable thoughts. Since this theme is new it’s hard for me to get my mind off of it. I appreciate your response to much!

eelaaiinaa

Date posted: Yesterday

@skelly214 Omg so I actually had a really rough episode a few months ago and it kind of came unexpected because I had been doing pretty good with my recovery. I didn’t really know how to handle it. Now I’m trying to work through another hard time, and here’s what I’m doing different: 1. Recognize that ocd is just always going to be there. Recovery helps to make life easier to live with ocd, but I don’t need to be surprised when im not miraculously healed after a really good day. I also shouldn’t make myself feel shitty when I have really bad days. That’s just how ocd works unfortunately 2. Make your life as easy as possible. If you can, try out medication. That really changed my life and made erp manageable for me again. Get a lot of sleep if possible, drink water, deliver groceries if you can’t go and get them yourself, buy easy to put together meals and frozen stuff. Buy your favorite snacks and drinks (non alcoholic). Surround yourself with comfy items, safe clothes, safe shows, etc. 3. Accept you’re having a hard time and be kind to yourself when it’s hard. I took ALOT of baths to regulate (still do). I also try and take a walk every day and am starting an exposure where I go and do something for myself every day that isn’t work related and isn’t scrolling. When I was in my depressive episode I got a library card and read like 5 books in a month LOL

eelaaiinaa

Date posted: Yesterday

@eelaaiinaa I honestly still have a pretty hard time with my intrusive thoughts because they feel so real in my body and I can’t tell what is my feeling and what is my ocd. It makes me frustrated when I read that I’m supposed to sit with the discomfort and then continue living my life when my discomfort lasted literally all day and gave me rashes 💀. I don’t think I have that figured out yet, but my main priority now is just doing things I want to do for myself and not holing myself up in my room. Try and get some sun, open the blinds and windows if possible, make a tea

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