Why do I feel shame, and they don't

I always fear of being hateful, Worried I'm racist, homophobic, transphobic, or all of the above maybe. Throughout false memories, or real events, times where I was uneducated and such, despite then I still tried my best to have as much love in my heart. I go on the internet and I see the most hateful, excruciating, disturbing images and words said against a human being for something they were born with. Why does it have to be this way. I feel so shameful for my mistakes, as if I'm evil and inhumane, but they don't even feel an ounce of disgrace towards themselves after committing such actions? For saying something so dehumanizing. It hurts a lot. No matter who someone is, I will always find them as equally as important, as equally as beautiful, equally as capable. Equally in everything, but after seeing what I saw, I felt as if I have committed the crime. I feel as if I'm hypocritical to defend, or that I'm not on the good side and it just feels so awful. I know it's not good to be on media, I can assure that I'm trying to not be on there for the entire day. But gosh, I don't understand why I feel as if I have ruined my life more.

Ricky Gill

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

Thats how i feel about hypocrisy. I'm so aware of inconsistency in myself and I just feel like why don't others feel that way but i do i care so much and they dont care they just get to live their lives unbothered. What u posted is relatable.

VVbee

Date posted: 15h

I'm glad I could give some relatability : ) it's very difficult, especially when morals and values are whats most important within someone, at least important for many people to look into when it comes to creating connections and stuff like that. But I really try my best to give grace to myself despite struggling throughout these issues, especially since I know I would give grace to another who's going through the same/similar.

Ricky Gill

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

Also hate is such a relative word somebody might think certain words are hateful while others dont. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for what you believed in the past. Everyone has said something offensive and there is no "right" set of beliefs people are supposed to have.

piinthesky

Date posted: 2d

Really sucks when society's default tends to be "better to be right than to be kind" or "forgiveness and reconciliation are impossible and meaningless concepts"...or at least, that's what it feels like to me, right now...

VVbee

Date posted: 16h

@piinthesky I fully agree with you and I'm definitely struggling when it comes to those ideas currently, especially with technology it just adds more fuel to the flame. "" It's feels frustrating with how people focus on the past mistakes more than the current progress, as well as attacking without attempting to educate first on certain situations. 😓

Coati

Date posted: 2d

I know this is so tough as I struggle with moral OCD, too. There are many shitty people in the world who go through life without an ounce of self-reflection and it's messed up. On the flipside, your life does not have to be defined by moral OCD. You get to have values without excruciating shame. OCD doesn't make us good people, our values do. ERP scripting can really help with this sort of stuff, and you're allowed to step away from media to reduce triggers.

VVbee

Date posted: 15h

Thank you for the advice : ) I do agree that this is definitely OCD causing these fears, it's very hard to keep that thought in mind during certain moments but I'll continue trying.

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