OCD is ruining my life

Hi guys this is my first post :) Panic disorder and OCD combo- i struggle with existential OCD and have an embarrassing fear of death and the process due to past trauma. These thoughts will not leave me alone from the moment i wake up to falling asleep- and it triggers my panic disorder into where i can’t function. I am 20F and am trying to get into my lifelong passion, EMS. My emt class is next semester and i am having a horrible flare up to the point nothing feels real and i am panicking around the clock… please help me

Rumination_S...

Date posted: 15h

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, especially right before starting something you’ve wanted for so long. ❤️ And please don’t be embarrassed about being afraid of death. OCD has an incredible way of finding the things that scare us the most and making them feel impossible to stop thinking about. I have OCD and PTSD, and one thing I’ve had to learn is that I don’t have to get rid of all of my anxiety before I’m allowed to keep living my life. Sometimes I think “I can’t do this while I feel like this,” when really I can be terrified AND still take the next tiny step toward the things that matter to me. I also wouldn’t put pressure on yourself to solve death or convince yourself not to be afraid of it. That’s such an impossible standard, and OCD will probably keep finding another question anyway. If EMS is something you genuinely care about, maybe right now the goal can just be continuing toward that while getting support for the OCD and panic alongside it. And if you aren’t already working with someone who specifically understands OCD/ERP, I really would consider it. Not because you’re failing or because this is hopeless, but because dealing with thoughts and panic basically every waking moment is A LOT to carry by yourself. You don’t have to figure out your entire life or beat OCD before next semester. You just have to keep taking the next step. I’m really rooting for you and your EMS journey. ❤️

UnknownRaven

Date posted: 15h

@Rumination_Station You are so kind <3 thank you so much for sharing your story and advice! The feelings totally do take over but i just tell myself that feelings like fear can’t hurt me even tho they feel like they can in the moment. Theres a youtube channel that I like thats pretty popular called Therapy in a Nutshell that also deals with not just anxiety and OCD but ptsd too that you might like as well :) you guys sharing with me helps me feel so much less alone and i am so grateful!!

ebpink 🎀

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17h

The “nothing feels real” feeling is called derealization. I experience it as well as Existential OCD. A panic attack triggered it for me. What I’ve learned is that derealization can be a symptom of a dysregulated nervous system. What you can do are somatic exercises that can help your body learn over time that you are safe and that you don’t need to be stuck in survival mode. I did it everyday for 5-6 months alongside ERP therapy and the derealization is pretty much gone. It can happen sometimes when I’m anxious but it doesn’t scare me anymore so it goes away faster, and it’s not a constant 24/7 feeling like it used to be. The Existential OCD is what I’m mainly struggling with but it’s improved a lot as well. I think ERP therapy with NOCD can you help you a lot. The tools they provide have helped with my fear of death too. There’s really no quick fix but help is possible! Good luck!!!

UnknownRaven

Date posted: 17h

@ebpink 🎀 Thank you so much, you are amazing. I am so happy you found tools to help you, i can’t wait to try them!! I’ve had this since i was 15… my doctor was suspecting DPDR

ebpink 🎀

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17h

@UnknownRaven Yes, it’s just anxiety! It’s very scary, but DPDR can’t hurt you.. & you’re not limited to somatics. If that doesn’t work for you, you can search for other ways to help your nervous system regulate. Once your body learns how to self regulate again, it will do the work for you. Patience is key ☺️

Megank

Date posted: 17h

@ebpink 🎀 What somatic exercises do you do daily?

ebpink 🎀

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

@Megank I follow a YouTube account called SheBreath Teresa. I did one video a day(any video, I just clicked on whatever I felt like I needed that day) and noticed improvement by week 3/4. It’s been 6 months now and I don’t do them daily anymore, but I still like to incorporate exercises on days when I feel like my body needs a little more support. I followed exactly what she did, even when it felt weird or embarrassing, and to allow yourself to relax after doing the exercises. Consistency is important and don’t think too much about if it’s working or not. It definitely took a lot of patience, but everyone’s body is different so you can’t be hard on yourself if you feel like nothing is happening. Doing that alongside ERP for Existential OCD was SO helpful! I hope you try it out!

UnknownRaven

Date posted: 15h

@ebpink 🎀 Aah yess it is!!! Its such a relief that it can’t hurt you, i’ve been telling myself that im happy its true haha. Thank you again <3

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Date posted: 16h

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