How does therapy work?

I’m really sorry your first experience trying to explain this ended with you feeling dismissed. Especially when you were literally a kid trying to find words for something you didn’t understand yet. I can understand why opening up now feels almost impossible. Something I’ve learned in therapy is that you don’t have to walk in and immediately be able to explain every intrusive thought perfectly. You can literally start with what you wrote here. “There are things I want to tell you, but I feel so much shame around them that I shut down and keep everything surface level.” That alone gives your therapist somewhere to start. I also write things down before therapy because sometimes I can explain myself way better on paper than I can when someone is sitting there waiting for me to talk. I’ve even sent things to my therapist beforehand when I knew I wouldn’t be able to get the words out during the session. And if these are OCD-related intrusive thoughts/compulsions, having someone who actually understands OCD can make a HUGE difference. Intrusive thoughts can feel horrifying specifically because they go against who you are or what you want, and the shame can make it so hard to tell anyone what’s actually happening. Therapy also doesn’t always feel like it’s “working” at first. Sometimes the first part is literally learning how to let another person see what you’ve spent years hiding. You don’t have to tell everything at once. Even saying “I’m scared you’ll judge me if I tell you what the thoughts are” is something real to work with. Also, your thoughts weren’t messy. I understood exactly what you were trying to say. ❤️

This is really good advice. I’m just quite tough on myself and say I’m going to tell them everything and if I don’t I’m wasting their time and my money