Feeling hopeless with no end in sight.

Sorry, this is long, but I really need to talk to someone. I am feeling pretty low. I have had OCD since I was a little kid. I have a few themes but the one that has caused me the most significant problems the last few years is Just Right OCD. It was more “manageable” before I took a new role for work at my company (I work remotely). I’ve been at my company for 7+ years total, in my current role for 2.5 years. It is a hard job with lots of critical thinking & decision making. It became obvious within about 6 months that I had began amping up my compulsions & I was working 14 hour days (secretly) just to accomplish my necessary tasks, or at least to feel like I had done enough. I even got written up a year & a half ago because my boss saw I had been working late & not putting it on my time card. I had never gotten written up at a job ever. I had always been considered an exemplary employee. That is my first and only black mark on my record. I am respected & well liked by my peers & management. I was struggling in every aspect of my life and last September it became unsustainable as our workloads increased. I began applying for some other jobs within my company (I LOVE my company), but wasn’t getting any interviews. I shadowed a couple departments I’d like to work in, in multiple roles. I met several managers & employees that I clicked with who said they would put me at the top of their list if anything opened in their departments. I waited for months & no jobs opened. I kind of broke in June & took medical leave from work. My doc increased my meds, I started ERP in mid July and went back to work early August. I have been practicing my ERP & making progress in my therapy. It’s been hard, but I know I need to do this to help myself. Last week positions opened in BOTH departments. 3 openings in one of them! I found out they before they were even posted because a couple of their employees I had shadowed with reached out TO ME to encourage me to apply. I can’t tell you what a relief it was. I applied for both departments immediately after they were posted. I asked for the low end of their offered wages, like $7/hr less than what I make now (my current position pays more because it’s a lot of decision making etc.). I also reached out to the managers that I had previously shadowed with to let them know I was applying. They all said they were happy to hear I was applying & said they would look for my application. They sounded like they actually wanted me, it didn’t sound like lip service at all. I hadn’t heard anything from either, so I went to the jobs portal, because you can see statuses of applications. The one I wanted most, the one that had 3 positions, the one I had 4 people recommending me for, said “No longer under consideration”. Not even an interview. I don’t understand how I could have that many people say they wanted me & then not even get an interview. I was absolutely gutted last night. I feel so hopeless. My husband said maybe it’s just a mistake on the job portal, which I don’t think it is. But I can say in the past they have always contacted me by email or phone to let me know right away. I haven’t been contacted by anyone yet. Even though I personally feel like I’m a failure at my current role, I regularly get accolades from management & customers. I’ve been recognized at our all associate meetings. I even got a promotion & raise (that I didn’t ask for) in May. I don’t understand why no one will give me a chance. I can’t keep doing my current job because not only is it triggering my anxiety & OCD, but it is just not a fit for my natural emotional capabilities. It’s too much for me in every way. It has taken such a toll on me. The other position still says “Under consideration”. But I only have 1 person recommending me for that role. Also I had applied for that role back in November of last year & didn’t get an interview then. I really thought with the one I wanted I would be a shoe in based on the number of recommendations, shadowing, 2 managers telling me they were going to put me at the top of their lists & the fact that they had 3 jobs to fill- Today I logged into my current job & we had a record number of tasks. We usually have about 8-10 new per day but today we each were assigned more than 20! Since it’s impossible to accomplish that many in a day they will just stack up & I’ll fall behind and my stats will show I’m not getting them done in time and customers will start calling me & yelling at me. I don’t know what to do because it’s just too much & I’m more than overwhelmed. I have cried at least once a day for a year & the panic attacks are pretty frequent. I don’t know how to keep pushing.