He broke up with me. My pelvic floor is on fire.

Hi everyone, I have been in ocd therapy now for about 6 months. I was diagnosed recently at 29. I had an amazing therapist but she had to leave. So I’ve been hoofing it alone for the last few weeks. And of course during this time my serious boyfriend broke up with me. I am surrounded by a lot of support right now so I’m able to keep a lot of the self deprecating thoughts at bay. But I am so sad it came out of the blue. I am also very excited to start my new life in a new place but I am morning the loss of the partnership we had. We were together for a year. My longest relationship! I thought he was the one. He is a quiet one. Few words he has to say but when he did say um he meant um. Within this year My father of 62 was diagnosed with a rare variant of Alzheimer’s it has shattered my family and we have re built from the ground up. My boyfriend was there for it all. And when I got diagnosed with ocd he was there too. He has been my support system this year. I live in a very small town in the middle of the woods I spent this year pretty isolated (on purpose) moving there was my sanctuary and he was my knight in shining armor. He wasn’t around much because he is a wildland firefighter. So I had a-lot of time alone to heal my wounds of the past 3 years and my father’s quick decline. My mom was there for the breakup and helped me pack my things it was avoidant at first and then healthy and good. He’s a good man. Luckily I am not alone now. I’m back home in Texas helping my mom set up my physically healthy 62 year old dad’s new room at the assisted living facility. I’ve decided to move at the end of the month to where my sister lives. So there is just so much change in my life and uncertainty. The drive home was 12 hours. Well it should have been 8 but we had massive trailers. The whole time my pelvic floor has been so tight to the point of tears and grumpy attitude. I rarely experience physical ocd symptoms besides the occasional ant. But this symptom is excruciating. It’s been an on going one for about 10 years to the point I recently started taking prescribed muscle relaxer so I can empty my bladder fully, I plan to see a pelvic floor specialist asap. But for now I am having todo a lot of EPR to help me unclench. When my dad’s around it gets so bad that from my belly button to my knees it feels tingly and numb. Kind of like how your leg feels after it falls asleep. My sweet aunts are here to help us as we do this big life transition and when they get close to me my pelvic floor tightens right up. I know It’s caused from my massive fear of uncertainty, but the sensations are to much, on a daily bases it doesn’t happen i can empty my blatter and be ok. But when there is such massive uncertainty everything clinches and it’s so hard to let go. I’m in so much mental physical and emotional pain right now. Anyways I hope someone can relate I appreciate you reading.

♡ kerryann ♡

Date posted: 20h

I know there’s not much to say to help or offer comfort, but I just really hope you know you are not alone aside from your wonderful family and the grief is real. With this therapy, there is a real promise that “things will get better”, and not just in the cliche sense. You will physically get better, and with that, you can be more present for your dad and mom. Praying for you. xx

Carly :)

Date posted: 20h

@♡ kerryann ♡ Thank you for your kindness ❤️

♡ kerryann ♡

Date posted: 20h

@Anonymous Just please don’t isolate, it can make the feelings bigger. You are so damn powerful for dealing with all of this change and hurt. I lost the person who was there when I was dying from liver failure and then got better physically and still getting stronger mentally/emotionally. I try to assure myself that this was because I probably would have hated it anyway in the long-term. Sometimes they are in our life for a time because you needed each other and learned and grew, but that may have been all he can offer. Being by yourself, and then meeting someone that makes you feel comfortable and strong will make everything make sense. Life only makes sense looking back. Love.

Carly :)

Date posted: 19h

@♡ kerryann ♡ I am so happy you are here and that you are getting better! I couldn’t agree more about the self isolation. After doing a year of it thinking that’s what I needed I learned that in fact it made my ocd worse. I’m moving somewhere that has all my favorite activities and I’m really excited to have a community. I don’t want to isolate anymore. I hope I’ll meet him someday. I want to be able to banter and shoot the piss along side consistency and support. I think my take away from this relationship is I don’t have to fit the mold to be loved. I’ve tried so hard to force myself in to a mold to keep my fear of rejection at bay but honestly I can’t do that anymore I don’t want to hide from the world by self isolating or changing. I mean I’ve delete all my social accounts this past year I fully disappeared due to my mental illness. So im starting off kind to myself and letting myself shuffle in rather than sprit. Lots of big changes ahead, the more I’m on top of putting the work in the easier the day is and the less pain I’m in. If you don’t mind me asking. During that time how did you go about deciphering between normal worry thoughts and ocd? While giving yourself the space to process versus knowing when to rein the ocd in? -Carly

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

Carly. Check out a podcast by Nicole Sachs called "The cure for chronic pain" for the pelvic floor pain. I had headaches for years and her work has helped tremendously. I do believe ERP is the way out for the OCD though. They are so many similarities between chronic physical conditions and OCD. I hope this helps.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond