HELP

One thing I have struggled with ( and too very badly) that too from starting that according to me I don’t think i have a strong mind. For example if anyone says anything to someone they don’t get anxious hyper aroused or sad like me. Now in my situation if I give an opinion and very easily people give their opinions and I am not able to counter that I stop there because i feel both very bad and then my questioning nature starts to work that I don’t have the answer to this right now but I am not even convinced with her answer as well so I go deep as per my ability to find what’s the reason and that helped to actually go deep and things are deep nuanced not black and white. But my problem is if I can’t say something in response to what other person has said I can’t sit with that . Because people believes who wins is actually the one speaking right. Anybody gives opinion and I don’t feel right I dug deep. That has given me wisdom but has made me exhausted that now i have stopped self care. I don’t feel like going outside i don’t feel like meeting people. But this is not something new this was my situation since childhood. So now puzzle pieces are there— anxiety ,mental compulsions ,wisdom want to go deep so curiosity is there but chronic anxiety ruined everything that now i want to run away somewhere where there is quietness. I hate loud noise but in our home everyone is on phone and they listens at a bit high volume so how many times I’ll tell them to reduce the volume after some time they also say I am not going to do it do whatever you want. Maturity is in realising that they haven’t gone through what I am going through so definitely they will find my statements irritating or senseless. I am really done I am not seeing any hope and therapy I cannot afford. How much I can pay I have done but even if I get a therapist the will to change only is not there. How to develop that will??