Self improvement & OCD // Help needed <3

Hey does anyone else have this issue with OCD? And Self improvement? Where it doesn’t want you to improve your life in anyway? So for example. I’m an obese person. I’m not ashamed but it is definitely affecting my mobility.. And yet. Any time I want to lose weight. Instant fear of change? Also I read once that losing weight is a sign of illness. Like unexplained weight loss? And so even though my weight loss would be explained. My brain simply won’t allow it? In fear of maybe not picking up on unexplained weight-loss. Or whatever?- But that’s just one example. It’s everything. Habits or wanting to try new hobbies. That if I try to make my life better in anyway. I’ll be severely punished. To correct the balance I suppose? Like the reason I have good things in my life is because of all the bad things. And it’s like a balance that can’t be disrupted? Regardless, I don’t think I can ever break through. Anytime I try. Something slightly bad happens and just scares me right back? Hard not to believe there is a correlation. But I don’t want to be stuck like this forever. There is a dream version of me. And I wish I could reach her. Without fear. Anyone else felt this? How did you get out of it. If you have. Any advice is appreciated :)

1bladeofgrass

Date posted: Yesterday

I'm the same way. I always assumed it was because the environment I grew up in heavily rewarded complete inaction, and trying to influence or change myself or anything around me was either stopped or outright punished. Having a brain that's susceptible to OCD of course internalized this idea and turned it into an obsession where I *must* stay the exact same or else I'm disrupting some sort of balance and everything good in my life will turn bad as some kind of retribution. And then of course when I try to be brave and change something and I inevitably encounter any kind of negative experience, my brain will take it as absolute evidence that my obsession is correct and it becomes so overwhelming that it reverses all my progress. I unfortunately don't really have advice as it's one of my obsessions that I've really struggled to get over. But you're definitely not alone and I'm sure there's still hope for us to improve. <3

1bladeofgrass

Date posted: Yesterday

Just realized that despite all of this I've actually managed to change quite a few things about myself and my life over the years, even if I'm much slower with it than most people. But still the obsession remains just as strong as ever. It regards everything that's changed for the better as "random luck" and "a total fluke". Perhaps step 1 is realizing how many times I've beaten the obsession before, even in small ways, so I'm sure I could do it again.

eevee1

Date posted: Yesterday

I feel this too like I’m some way I almost don’t deserve to feel better or do better for myself.

eevee1

Date posted: Yesterday

Not sure how to fix this but here to say you’re not alone!

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Yes, I get this way a lot. At the core, I feel as though I don't deserve good things in my life. It's almost like I am addicted to feeling bad because it's so familiar to me, if that makes sense. I am trying to build up my self-esteem and self-worth to counteract this, but it's tough not to fall back into old patterns. For me what helped was sitting with those in underlying feelings of shame and grief. Letting myself cry and feel my sadness and pain instead of running away from it. But not dwelling in it. Telling myself that I can handle my pain, that I am stronger than I think. Journaling. Positive projection- imagining myself as strong, capable. Taking time to celebrate my successes. I hope this might help you too.

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