Rocd?

im worried because im.17 ive been textimgbthis girl for more then a year platonically , last week sge came near me and we saw went to a show togjte it was very fun, a couple days after ahe told me her boygtiend broke uo wuth her befote then show , theni asked her if she wants to try to go on a date sometimes , i had lots of anxiety and confusiin from.the beggining because she lives far away i worried it wouldnt work , then two days ago i went yo my valynteering place and i gave my female friend a dap up anf held onto her hand dor a tiny second iut of like a way to show were close or i care for her , yhen i forgot about it because i was used to doing it without thinkinking , then that evwning i remembred it and started oanicking whwt i cheated on the girl i was texting , i thought we wernt darung yt just planning ti go on a date nit that we were in a relationship just yet thats hwtq i thought, idk i started feeling so guilty and horruble idk i tefted her explaining how guikty i feel and whqt happened , and she said she thinks it doenst say anytgung bad about me ot who i am ans its not cheating and the fact im worried shows i care but that she wants it not to happen again, i started oanicking because she was acting like we eere in a realtionshio whjch means i dud do something terible and i decided to telk her im.not read6 to be in a realtiknshio , but tgen this morning i texted her teelling i wanna meet up to see hiw it is ,, then i kepy feelimh guikty over and over for cheating idk man idk if i cheated idk if i can go onna date with her even though shes really nice and wqnta to help me with mt ocd idk why i know i dodnt have qny romqntic intent towards my friend but i feel awful

username0192...

Date posted: 20h

take a deep breath ❤️ I’d encourage you to allow for uncertainty. you won’t be able to figure out exactly what happened and what your intentions were. There were a lot of confusing variables at play and it was unclear what exactly the status of your friendship was. Sit with that uncertainty. What you do know is that you like the girl you are talking with and it sounds like both of you want to see where that goes. That’s all that matters—what you do now. From my perspective, pulling away is letting OCD win, hurting both you and her. And I hate to say it, but this is likely not going to be the last time you have moments where you question your loyalty or how you feel about her or any number of things regarding your relationship. OCD often preys on what we care about most and as you navigate this already new and difficult scenario, OCD will try to exacerbate the anxiety. I’m not saying that to scare you but to try and help you equip for it. If you have more moments in the future where you question or worry about your intentions with other girls, the best thing you can do for the both of you is to sit with that uncertainty and manage compulsions—that means not analyzing how you feel, not confessing what might or might not have happened, not replaying events in your head, not testing yourself for attraction, etc. These things give power to OCD. At the end of the day these are intrusive thoughts that don’t define who you are and if you let them exist without engaging with them then the anxiety behind the fears will be much more manageable. Hopefully this wasn’t too much of a lecture I just have seen countless other people experiencing the same things and I know how treatable this is! It’s very sweet how you care about this girl and I want both of you to be happy. Take care of yourself and let yourself be with her if that’s what you want :)

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