I had a lesbian porn addiction which is triggering for my hocd. I know plenty of straight women watch lesbian porn yet that doesn't matter to me. I relapsed again tonight this is really embarrassing and tmi sorry. The whole time im watching it I was checking if that was something I'd want to do in real life. Sometimes I could tell I didn't want too cuz it made me uncomfortable to think about other times I couldn't. I hate this! I wish I could just know already.

I know I just find it so annoying because if I liked vagina I know I wouldn't constantly be checking and rechecking if I liked vagina lmao! But it just feels so real and nagging it is so annoying.

I know are you scared that you want to eat out a girl? Im so sorry if I just triggered you but I'm curious. I keep on imagining myself doing it to see if I like it.

@LinaD10 No trigger at all, but yes I am afraid of anything you can possibly think of. I’m scared that I’m lying if I say no to these thoughts. Such as “do I like it? No! Are you sure?? You might be lying...” Ect. Every time I test myself and imagine things like you have said, doing anything with a girl. It just makes me uncomfortable and not a good feelings or a feeling I just don’t enjoy. But it comes with groinal response. Something I just want to say tho, might be tmi but I’d like to know if I’m not alone in this?? Every time I try to touch myself, I try and force a thought of women and I just feel gross. I just don’t wanna touch myself to those thoughts. They makes me uncomfortable! But then I’m scared that what if I’m just trying to avoid finding out I do like it! I hate this.

@LinaD10 I’m a straight guy so I have Hocd about gay stuff it’s really bad I’m about to hit a year with this I just want it to end hoe am I supposed to have a crush or be in a relationship while having this

@Mod22 I understand what both of you are saying. I can't even be happy with a guy or date a guy cuz im afraid I'll find out im bi or lesbian. I hate my brain. Plus I do I feel like I lime it it's terrifying.

@LinaD10 Also I find when I get an intrusive thought I cant even say I dont like it anymore cuz I feel like i do and im just in denial and feel like a liar.

@advice? I can relate sometimes I touch my dick to check if im hard and when watching porn on my worst days I feel like the guy made me harder I used to enjoy watching Porn and now I watch because I’m addicted

I once watched gay porn a month into my Ocd as a way of reassurance and today it’s all I think about I hate myself for allowing myself to watch it I’m real tired and I just don’t know what to do anymore

@Mod22 Yes, I hate to have watched it and developed a porn addiction from it. I feel like shit every time, gross and depressed. Sometimes I even get suicidal thoughts. Kinda extreme, but I just feel so bad. And then ocd tells me it's because of denial.

@Lavander I’ve been there I’m alive but dead inside