The guilt one may have of Real Event OCD

Especially for people, like myself, who believe that they're bad human beings,, this post may be relatable. I've gone through phases, am going through so many phases of different subtypes. 10+ subtypes and overall Real Events is the most difficult. Not false memory, although currently I'm going through a rough time with that as well, but true REAL events. This is an awful subtype, and with many of us, it's good to "take in the uncertainty" and "maybe this will happen, maybe it won't" but unlike fearing that (x) did happen.. (x) DID happen and now the guilt eats us alive. It's so hard to just "sit with it" when you're afraid that doing so can cost you your reputation, your job, your relationships, etc. Not to mention with the internet and cancelation. Maybe others already know about (x) and witness it happen, maybe (x) happened during alone time, maybe (x) happened and there's actual proof that it happened and you can't get rid of... maybe there's multiple events that you just can't count. Maybe event happened while you were 5, 10, 14, hell even in your early 20's. This subtype is TORTURE, and it's led me to become incredibly suicidal and I'm afraid to do anything but unfortunately am forced to push myself out. You aren't alone, I don't care what you've done in your life. I myself have been victim to situations and actions that have messed me up really really bad.. but I've also done bad things myself. No one who's truly bad would be on this app begging and ruminating on their actions and wondering if they're a monster or not. That doesn't change the fact that I still feel like a monster, but I wouldn't call you a monster for your events. Just try to keep yourself in the present, this is really hard because this post itself is a vent, I'm REALLY struggling with this subtype but it helps to go into a perspective of another sufferer who may be dealing with the same situation as me. <3