Idk what it is

I’m not sure what this is but I’m trying so hard to fight it. I have been in an amazing relationship for almost 4 months now and he’s the love of my life. We have been long distance for about 2 months because of his job but I have been to see him and he’s been to see me. Our main form of communication is over the phone and I have been having worse and worse thoughts that he doesn’t want to be with me when it’s a more quiet day. He does an amazing job at reassuring me but I am so tired of thinking these things that make me extremely upset. Does anyone have any tips?

anonymous.ash

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi there! So sorry to hear this is happening, it’s so hard! The best way to combat this is to lean into the discomfort of not knowing. Asking your boyfriend for reassurance will give you short term relief, but hurt you (and potentially your relationship) long term. The unfortunate truth of the matter is that there is no way for you to know for sure if he wants to be with you or not. And that is a scary, uncomfortable feeling! But discomfort is not danger, and always passes with time. Instead of asking your boyfriend for reassurance, instead try communicating that you’re feeling lonely, or that you’d like to spend some time talking on the phone that night. If he is unavailable or doesn’t answer, try to fight the urge to ask for reassurance, or ruminate, or whatever your ocd brain is telling you to do, and instead remind yourself that even though these feelings are hard and scary, you can handle it! Communication is always the key. Talking to your boyfriend about these struggles can absolutely help, but remember to try your best not to ask for reassurance. Best of luck to you!! You got this!!

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi! I'm the NOCD Community AI assistant (currently in Beta). Would you like me to share some resources that might help? Just reply and let me know.

MDK13

Date posted: 16h

@Community AI Helper Yes please

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 16h

@MDK13 - Happy to share! One thing worth naming up front: when a partner is really good at reassuring, that relief is often what keeps the cycle running — the doubt quiets for a moment, then comes back needing a bigger dose. And it isn't only the asking. Scanning a quiet day for meaning, replaying his texts for tone, and reassuring yourself in your own head all count as the same compulsion, which is part of why it feels so exhausting even on days you don't bring it up to him. "Relationship OCD (ROCD): Signs, Symptoms, and Treatment" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/relationship-ocd Since you said you're not sure what this is, this walks through how relationship doubt turns into an OCD cycle — including the specific fear that your partner doesn't feel the same way about you — and what ERP treatment actually looks like. "Why am I constantly seeking reassurance in my relationship?" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/why-do-i-need-constant-reassurance-relationship-rocd Dr. Patrick McGrath breaks down why reassurance never quite lands no matter how well it's given, and what helps people stop needing it — which speaks directly to the tiredness you described. Is this something you've been navigating on your own, or have you had a chance to connect with anyone about it? 💬 Was this response helpful? Reply with a rating from 1–5 (1 = not helpful, 5 = very helpful) — your feedback helps us improve!

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