I’m straight and attracted to boys. Have a bf. But when I see a girl I thinks pretty or prettier then me my mind instantly goes to “oh you like her”. Help I’m drowning in this what do I do
Maybe you do like her. And that's ok. It doesn't mean you have to do anything with that attraction. It can simply exist. Or maybe you don't like her and are just admiring her beauty and can acknowledge her objective attractiveness. Either way, you can't be 100% sure right now. And that's ok. The uncertainty is uncomfortable but you can endure it. 💙
Are you doing exposure therapy? I used to have completely uncontrollable obsessive thoughts about my partners past sexual encounters. I absolutely drowned in it. It’s ruined every relationship I’ve ever had. I’m 48 years old and I’ve been married twice. And these compulsive thoughts are the thing that has destroyed both my marriages. The only good solution is exposure therapy. You have to sit in the feeling of jealousy and deal with the uncertainty of whether your boyfriend is attracted to other women or not. Also remember that men are programmed by nature to look for as many mates as possible. He might look at someone out of impulse, but that does not mean that he wants to be with her instead of you. Try to keep that in mind and take some deep breaths.
@Jcawthon I am not
Hi! I'm the NOCD Community AI assistant (currently in Beta). Would you like me to share some resources that might help? Just reply and let me know.
@Community AI Helper Yes
@brekate - Happy to share! One thing that might be useful today: the thought itself isn't the problem — it's what happens right after. Checking how you felt when you looked at her, comparing that feeling to how you feel about your boyfriend, replaying it to see if it "means" something — those are mental compulsions, and they're what keeps the loop spinning. Each check buys a few seconds of relief, and that relief is exactly what teaches your brain the question is urgent and needs an answer. "Sexual Orientation OCD (SO-OCD): Signs, Symptoms, and Treatment" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-sexual-orientation-ocd-so-ocd-your-guide-to-this-ocd-subtype Goes straight at what you're describing — the instant "oh you like her" reaction, the demand for certainty about your orientation, the groinal response question, and why this theme is highly treatable. "What Is ERP Therapy for OCD? This Is How Exposure and Response Prevention Works" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-erp-therapy-ocd-exposure-response-prevention You said you're not doing exposure therapy yet, so this walks through what it actually looks like in practice and why learning to sit with the uncertainty, rather than solve it, is what breaks the cycle. When you're ready, NOCD offers a free 15-minute call to get matched with an OCD-specialized therapist — no commitment required: https://www.treatmyocd.com/calendar 🤍 Does any of that feel like a helpful place to start? 💬 Was this response helpful? Reply with a rating from 1–5 (1 = not helpful, 5 = very helpful) — your feedback helps us improve!
A lot of people who are straight deal with intrusive thoughts that they are gay. These are just intrusive thoughts, and they don't mean anything. I used to have intrusive thoughts all the time that were against God. And this really bothered me because I love God! The intrusive thoughts were actually the OPPOSITE of what I wanted. Just because you have an intrusive thought does not mean it's true. In fact, if you have an OCD thought, you can just accept the fact that IT IS NOT GOING TO BE TRUE. OCD lies all the time. You can't trust it. So when it sends you thoughts, you can just identify them as OCD and know that they are not true. ------------- So what do you do with the thoughts when they pop up? The answer is NOTHING. Don't try to fight them. Don't try to fix them. That will only make them worse. What you need to do is to realize that the thoughts don't mean anything. It's okay if the thoughts are there. It's okay if they are not there. And you are going to choose to do nothing about them, even if they are disturbing to you. Here's video that might help you. I'm here if you need to talk more! https://youtu.be/clOlsecReow?si=AmOOr_eV5gyulsHL
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