Pocd and gross feelings

Does anyone else ever imagine liking the thoughts because it’s taboo? Like I’ve felt a ‘taboo attraction’ to things before (but things that aren’t violent or gross or anything), and when I’m dissociating with these pocd thoughts, my brain gets a pit in my stomach and all I feel is anxiety, groinal response, and imagining that taboo attraction. It really scares me because it feels like ‘oh if I’m in a certain mood/mindset, I can like these thoughts’ or something. I’m trying not to do compulsions but it’s really hard. It’s just so frustrating because I know I’m only imagining that feeling because I’m only half-thinking about the pocd thoughts. Like a weird, forcibly prolonged moment of not processing my own thoughts cuz I’m out of it. And my brain doesn’t WANT to process the thought because when I do, it’s like ‘ew’ and why would I wanna think abt that. But it makes me feel so bad and scared, and then I start to genuinely believe that it’s how I feel when I’m detached from reality, and the thought itself feels so fuzzy while the ‘attraction’ feels so high and real. It feels like because I can IMAGINE feeling this way, and it feels so similar to other attraction I’ve felt, that it’s real. All I wanna do is move on, but my brain is so stuck. I’m gonna try to just… not figure it out and focus on reality & things I enjoy. But it’s so hard. Could use some advice or shared stories if anyone has any ❤️

A Foolish Sa...

Date posted: 8h

Hi danir_2006! As someone with Ocd I know exactly how it feels to be bombarded with intrusive thoughts and compulsions on a near daily basis with no almost no end in sight. I know that it used to make me want to simply sit down and cry for hours on end just because I was caught in a thought spiral of doom that never seemed to let up. But, after I was finally diagnosed about a little over a year and a half ago I was finally able to recognize that all of the thoughts that I had were not real and were simply in my head and that by having the thoughts that they didn’t define me in anyway. You are defined by your actions, not by what happens in your head at any given moment. Since then I’ve been on medication and I can honestly say that things have been much better than when I was first diagnosed. Unfortunately we may be stuck with Ocd for the rest of our lives but that is okay, because we are not alone and we are not defined by Ocd. So, while you might be experiencing intrusive thoughts that are very uncomfortable right now, just know that we all have stood in your shoes and that you are not alone. Think of these intrusive thoughts like they are leaves floating down a river, although they are very loud in your mind at the moment, eventually they will float down stream and the river will stay the same. At the end of the day these intrusive thoughts are just that, thoughts, intangible things in our brains we cannot physically interact with. So just remember that while we may have these thoughts sometimes, they do not define you as a person. 🙂

A Foolish Sa...

Date posted: 8h

Hopefully this helps and I hope you have a great rest of your week, you got this! 😀

danir_2006

Date posted: 8h

@A Foolish Samurai Warrior Thank you so much! I really needed to hear that

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