‘Just right’ and parenting a toddler

Recently diagnosed and I have an 15 month old toddler. She is a bubbly energetic amazing girl. Those with kids understand starting and finishing tasks aren’t always easy. If I’m doing the dishes, or the couch covers start sliding down the couch onto the floor. Tasks get interrupted and I spiral. No matter how much I’ve done for the day I feel unorganized and chaotic and disheveled. I don’t want my unease to run onto her. My ocd in these areas affect other areas too and the obsession over if I’m a good enough mother or if my compulsions and obsessions are getting in the way of being the mom she deserves. Other parents, insightful lovely people. Please words of wisdom. How do you deal?

Tea and Honey

Date posted: Yesterday

I never got tasks finished when my kids were little. And the house was always a mess. And I never got the dishes done, hardly ever. I always felt like I was behind and that I was failing in multiple areas. But you know what? I have a big payback now because I put my kids first (even though other things didn't get done). And my kids are doing really well because I paid a lot of attention to them. One more thing: ERP therapy can really help. If you haven't tried it before, it's really something that can change people's lives. I'm here to talk more if you need it!

Sunic

Date posted: Yesterday

Hiya, I have a 3 year old and I share your worries but I keep my focus on her. Is she happy and healthy even though the dishes aren't done or the floor is messy? Yes? Then oh well, I make myself live with the discomfort. I focus on her happiness and comfort, will my compulsions affect that? Yes? Then that's not acceptable. I will force myself to stop. Here's an example, my contamination compulsions were making her upset because of course she doesn't understand. So I slowly pulled back. Was it hard and exhausting; yes. But she was happier without me compulsing. So I made it my priority. Didn't happen in a day, and I slip sometimes but I pay attention to what I do and how it affects her. And some of my compulsions don't affect her at all. I hope this makes sense, it's after 1 am here and I can't sleep because I'm worried about a nebulous threat to her. But, she's fast asleep and oblivious. So I'm ok.

Anne Moss

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi Katieeeee! So I really understand where you’re coming from, I at one point had a 3 and 4 year old and now they are 5 and 6. So here is what I’ve gathered so far…our society and comparison to the unreal like on the internet places a great deal of pressure on the image of the “perfect parent” “perfect mom” but this might be reassurance but I’ve noticed every time I started beating myself up over the dishes or house cleaning etc. I remember going over to some my other moms friends houses and guess what? They had dishes in the sink and laundry everywhere 😉 So while your ocd says that dishes in the sink or dirty house is not acceptable what you need to understand is you have a bubbly 3 year old in that picture too and if you take just another 5 minutes extra to pause abc care for her or play with her you will have given that time to her and not to your OCD. Trust me I feel regret more in having a clean house and not having spent the past time with my kids, I let my OCD win and I myself am learning to put just a little more space between that guilt and fear and accept having a little grace and love for myself and leaning into any feelings of fear while choosing to just be a parent to my kids. Wishing you well friend! You are already amazing! 🤩

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