Do I really want to break up

Oh my goodness, I absolutely see you, I have had this before in my long term relationship with my best friend. It is such an overwhelming thought because you know you don’t want to but is even thinking it a sign you should? Here’s my advice, don’t be searching for reassurance particularly on social media such as tik tok and Instagram, this is really what sent me over the edge everyone’s minds work differently and on things like Instagram and tik tok people like to push opinions on you, just avoid it. you don’t want to break up, your just fixating on this thought, because your OCD likes to fixate

I’d say if there are no red flags like cheating or abuse of any kind, or fundamental value misalignments, to let the feeling pass. Love is a choice and it’s sometimes not an easy one. I go on a romantic 5 year vacation tomorrow with my bf, and my brain chooses to focus on how my parents talking about marriage and all can make me really tense, even though we get along SO well. I’ve convinced myself it’s not OCD and that it’s what I really want to be alone. But if it was, I can choose to call it off now. BUT I don’t. Sorry this was a ramble, but I hope you don’t feel alone

You have expressed that you do not want to break up with him. This sounds like a compulsion to say something that is the opposite of what you would want to say. I don't know the academic term for this, but I understand exactly what you mean and how you are feeling. Your brain is saying "don't do the exact opposite of what you want to do!" I would not break up with him because of this. I would sit with him and explain this to him if he has an understanding of OCD. If he does not, I would ask him to maybe read some short literature on it. If I were him, I wouldn't be offended at all if you revealed this as I know OCD well, but I do not know if he knows about it. It sounds like A) You want to blurt out something you don't want to say and B) Thinking that this obsession is indicative of subconsciously not wanting to be with him, even though you know you want to be with him. Does that make sense? Forgive me if I did not work my reply well...but I know exactly how you feel, as I had the same experience in one relationship too. I was scared I would blurt out something hurtful to her (although I never in a million years would want to say something hurtful). It was essentially my brain telling me "don't say the exact opposite of a compliment!" Also, "breaking up with him on reflex" isn't breaking up with him. Blurting out "I want to break up", like a tic, is different than saying it with intent and desire to break up. I think if you sit down and talk about OCD it will help. If you were to stay with him long term and/or marry him, he would need to know about this to support you, right?