Having fantasies

I keep having fantasies about having sex with my friend’s girlfriend. It worries me. And sometimes I worry she’ll kiss me or something. I know she’s just being nice but I keep misinterpreting everything. I don’t want to cause drama. I’ve been distancing myself a bit but then I thought, “What if I’m making her feel like I hate her. I don’t want to do that either.” And it’s worrying me because I think I like these fantasies and just the thought of kissing her and stuff. Like; I ok; none of them are really my friends but still they’re closer than other people I have around me. I say they’re my friends but to be honest I don’t hang out with them that much. And it’s quite a few of them. I keep imagining being around them and having fun with them but to be honest I know if I’m around them too much I’ll show who I really am and they’ll hate me like all the other friend groups did and it’s my fault. Like, I know it’s my fault because I can’t handle that stuff. I’d much rather have people only know me surface level. I don’t struggle with vulnerability. I talk to people about my depression every once in a while who I’ve known since high school. But it’s like all of them and I keep thinking I want to have sex with them but it’s like, I don’t want to because I feel ill just have momentary pleasure and then I’ll hurt them by just not wanting to continue anything. And I don’t want to objectify them. And this fantasy there are moments where I imagine her kissing me and I think I enjoy the thoughts and then I’m like, “Stop, she’s your friend’s girlfriend.” And then I think, “Does this mean the intrusive thoughts you have of kids aren’t really intrusive? Because there are moments where you feel it but then hate it.” And on that topic I keep having these stimulations day and for brief moments I think I give into them. Maybe college just stresses me out.

Anonymous

Date posted: 10h

I want to start by thanking you for this post. I had my first session today and even after being diagnosed with OCD I still thought. Maybe I'm just messed up. This post truly made me feel less alone because I have struggled with similar things.

SAGUI

Date posted: 10h

@Anonymous I’m not sure if I have OCD though. They said I just have symptoms. But I don’t know because right now I had a thought of a child doing something and I think I felt something down there and I think my legs squeezed there to feel it more intensely but I was watching my phone but still. Kinda has me worried. Just has me worried because I don’t wanna be that person. But if it helped you good.

Kim27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9h

@SAGUI It sounds like ocd to me. There is something called POCD. You can have intrusive thoughts about children but that doesn't make you a pedophile. Also, I think you would want to hang out with your friends more if you felt better and had your ocd under control. You may also realize that your friends like you more than you think. It sounds like you have a fear of rejection. It may be that with ocd mixed in. I have social anxiety and ocd. I've had a lot of friendships and relationships end over the years. I'm never the one to end things. It made me feel like I'm not liked or loved and it was especially hurtful because I made myself vulnerable around them. I'm 58 and was diagnosed with ocd when I was 57. All my life I thought I had an anxiety disorder. Looking back I think ocd may have cost me relationships. Maybe it was too much for people to handle. I had a friend at work that I would confide in and vice versa. A year or 2 ago she really distanced herself from me. When my ocd was really bad I would review the relationship over and over in my mind and felt terrible. I recently became an ocd conqueror. No ocd symptoms now. Thanks to the right medicine and ERP therapy. Now the fact that this friend just says hi in the hallway doesn't bother me. I even want to try joining some groups and making some friends. I was living so much in my head. So much of what I was thinking was based on my own fearful thought patterns. Hoping you start feeling better soon. There are lots of good support groups on here.

Kim27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9h

It sounds like the thoughts about your friends girlfriend are ocd

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