I don’t know what my ocd is.

I have a severe fear of feeling out of control of my body, I used to be able to have a good time and go have drinks, or even have a medical procedure. Now I am terrified of anything that could make me feel out of ‘control’ of my self. I have a severe kidney problem, I’m peeing a lot of blood and I need to have surgery but I will not make myself do the procedure. I’m terrified of going into psychosis and this depressive episode I have went into before. It’s so hard describe but I want this to go away, all I do is think about it and live in fear. Please can anyone give me any advice or tell me that they struggle with the same thing? That you have recovered from anything similar? I feel broken and that I’ll never live normally again.

star☁️💗

Date posted: 18h

Hey 👋🏼, I may not understand fully what you’re going through but, I get that feeling of feeling out of control. Is it like going under anesthesia and having that feeling? Trust me, it’s honestly best to say whatever happens, happens . You should have that surgery because you deserve to feel better. Have someone close to you to watch over you, or I’m pretty sure, you can ask the hospital, to let you stay while you recover. I just want to say that , don’t let ocd control you, take back that control and do it anyways. When you scared , just do it cause you can’t control every outcome. That’s okay, sometimes you just need to realize that even though , you feel alone and scared, you have people who care for you. I get scared to since I have health issues. I’m nervous of going to appointments , in case I just get bad news, and then nothing will be the same. I’m still on my journey every day with recovery but it’s not impossible. I used to be a lot worse than I am now, and I actually have noticed improvement. So just know, you’re never alone and you will live a fulfilling life. Don’t let ocd have the last laugh. You got this. :) 🩷

Anonymous

Date posted: 17h

So, a few times that I have done things I was scared of, I went into this state of rumination and depression, the last time I did it it lasted 6 months and I have to be medicated. So now it has completely amplified my fear of literally anything. I won’t take a Tylenol if it’s fell on the floor, one time I even convinced myself that a cup of bleu cheese was psychedelics and started ‘tripping’, it was just regular bleu cheese it just convinces me that everything is unsafe. I won’t take vitamins, I won’t drink caffeine (I miss Coca-Cola 😭) or anything because I am just so scared. It’s debilitating and i genuinely can not find any help or relief.

star☁️💗

Date posted: 17h

@Anonymous Trust me, I get you… OCD is so hard to deal with , like , it even stops me from doing things I want to do. I think the best thing is sometimes to sit with the discomfort even when you’re scared. To be honest , that’s at least what helped me, a little bit . I won’t lie and say anything will just be easy, sometimes you just got to take one step at a time. Practice doing your fears, get support, and just at least try. I also get the rumination and how bad it could get. I mean… I couldn’t leave my house for a year in fear of something bad happening. It was so stupid and kept me from living. So… just realize , non of it will be easy but, there is still a rainbow at the end of the tunnel. It’s not the end 🩷.

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