Taboo minded girl working serious cases/careers ??

Why do I want to involve myself in such triggering situations with an already distorted mind? (I'm currently in break period/school right now.. I'll respond to my previous responses from earlier posts but I just want to talk about this right now. 💜) But while I'm in my scholars program, I've been thinking. From last year I had zero clue on what I want to do after high-school and now I have 3 big interests in the current moment.. which they all involve medical areas. 1. Paramedics, (Serious and heavy) 2. Pediatrician, (Not as heavy), 3. Psychologist, but specifically in working with inmates or people who have done really really unacceptable things. Another option is to work with people who are suffering with a really serious and life ruining disorder. (Serious + heavy and I may get judged by the public if I follow through the first option of #3.) ... This is obviously really hard. Especially for I who suffers with very problematic subtypes and Real Events + False Memories (False Memories is a seperate thing from Real Events.) Most of the careers I have in mind may be a really obviously triggering path for me, due to OCD/anxiety + trauma, but I just feel really called for it. For my serious options such as paramedics or similar, I want to save people and my mind is so chaotic already + the extra pressure keeps me working and seeing progress in something so awful and serious makes me feel ambitious.. although seeing failure in saving a life as well as seeing heartbroken families terrifies me. Nontheless, I still want to try. For psychology, it's complicated but I have many reasons and thoughts as to why I may want to pursue that career. But I guess since my mind is already clouded with such scary things, I hate the idea of being evil and it this disorder torments me everyday about it, it has opened my eyes to maybe consider on what if I've actually work with people who (key word ->) intentionally have a demented and harmful mindset.. does that make sense??? I obviously don't want to sympathize for their actions whatsoever, but I want to empathize with the journey on what has lead to their state and such and attempt to prevent future disturbing tragedies. Or another option is I want to work with people who suffer with schizophrenia, DID, other lesser known disorders so that they no longer feel so alone. But yeah,, that's my current thoughts as of now... I don't know how to feel. I'm so interested in these careers, and I've always enjoyed the topic of health and disorders- I mean that's how younger me figured out I had OCD; researching as well as noting my behaviors throughout the years, but I still have many questions, occasional fears and doubts. If the serious jobs I've mentioned end up not being the answer, I have pediatrician in the list but I'm really considering. (Thoughts, Questions, Discussions, & Sharing experiences are optional but appreciated..! <3)

CristyS323

Date posted: 14h

Hey! I also have very taboo interest in the career field. I have thought about the same psychology you have, but also not to sympathize with perpetrators. But instead get an idea of where they might resign and also to help prevent further outcomes. I am a victim of S abuse , I just happen to not turn out to be an adult who harmed people the same way. So I would like to figure out how to help the people who have been victims not victimize other people etc. also, it would be relieving to my OCD to see what real bad people are and feel some relief that I am not that lol. Anyways, the main career field I want to work in is forensic pathology. I am very into criminal justice and the medical field. I also am fascinated by how the human body works, whether it is alive and running or decomposed. I’ve gotten some weird looks saying that, but whatever you want to do as long as you aren’t harming people and you feel as though you are contributing to society and yourself in a positive way then I suggest go for it.

VVbee

Date posted: 11h

Thank you for sharing ! :^) First of all, I'm really really really sorry you have suffered with S abuse. I myself have be coherced into things that I didn't want to do and delt through an abusive situation that lasted years, as well have been SA'd countless times by a few different kids my age range (including from my situation) + other things. I at the same am currently suffering a lot with Real Events and False Memories + things I've mentioned in the post. So those jobs wouldn't really give me relief, since I don't see myself or really many people as fully morally perfect but my OCD itself frames me with really unwanted labels especially with the subtypes I have, so involving myself in such potential disturbing and heavy cases may trigger me into believing awful things about myself. Maybe, but nontheless the experience and chaotic thoughts just gives me more ammo for the job.. (& nontheless I still have the other jobs options listed, they're equally as considerable. : )) I have never harmed another person back to such extent either, and I'm really hurt and quite upset to the ones who have hurt me that way as they just didn't seem to feel any remorse, or if they said they did, it wasn't sincere... I'm not calling the person/people who hurt me fully dangerous people since I'm still unsure of the gravity of my situations and we were both similar ages and it's all complex, but at the same time what was done was still wrong and messed me up. Many cases those said people have had prior trauma unchecked and thought it was okay. Which is obviously not okay and never will be, and unless if full on potential dangerous perpertators don't actively try to change their mindset, I can't feel sorry for them.. but if they do, I want to make sure they get the help they need. I won't shun them, but I obviously won't excuse them and attempt my best to make sure they don't do anything horrific. If they end up doing something really horrific, until they do their time, the victim is 1000% safe and gets the support they need, and they are TRULY sorry for what they've done, they can come to me and we'd see what the next step would be. And by that... I don't know, the topic itself is very heavy and complex as said, and I'm at the beginning of the idea to consider that career choice, so I'm still gathering my thoughts. I've obviously never dealt with a case, so I'm unsure on what to expect. I agree with the last part of your message, thank you again for the response.

VVbee

Date posted: 9h

@VVbee (Apologies for the long rant, also good luck on your journey with forensic pathology. : )💜)

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