Help

For years I was on an anti depressant to manage my OCD symptoms, but I went off of it in an effort to become independent and prove something to myself. For the first four months off everything has been very good. But recently I have been finding that I’m having really unpleasant thoughts and they don’t feel intrusive. They’re very distressing, but something about them feels more real. Like I’m doing something to make the thoughts happen as opposed to it being uncontrollable. It almost feels like I’m bringing the thoughts on as opposed to them just coming to me because they’re the opposite of what I truly want. I don’t really understand what’s happening and I’m curious if anyone else experiences this. I’d do anything to go back to the types of feelings I used to get, becuase at least I knew the thoughts were intrusive. At this point I’m starting to second guess everything about myself as a person and as a partner (my OCD is, and has mostly always been ROCD).

moccalate

Date posted: 17h

Nah this is still OCD. The “bringing the thoughts on as opposed to them just coming to me” is very relatable, it’s actually you feeling like you have to think them first to get em out of your system so they don’t come. Like when someone says don’t think of an elephant and then you think of it. It’s a mechanism but it never works bc they still come. It’s not uncontrollable 🩷I am recovering a lot and it’s much easier to manage now. Think of these thoughts as spam email, don’t analyze them or ask “what if?” that never helps. Also, do you workout? I came back to the gym and I feel awesome. I think it can help you a lot as well for this

Catsaremylife

Date posted: 17h

@moccalate Hi! Thanks for the reply! I have tried exercising as a way to help me work through thoughts but I honestly don’t find that it works because I find myself focusing on them for the entirety of the workout since I don’t have other distractions such as people to talk to our movies to watch. I use TV is an outlet normally, but I will give exercise another try! When I have the thoughts I try not to give them attention because they’re identical to thoughts that when they’re truly intrusive they don’t bother me. I’ve mastered them. But the idea that there’s a chance they might not be intrusive just makes me absolutely crazy and overcome with guilt. All I can think about is what would happen if I confessed to my partner—they would definitely leave me. It was different with intrusive thoughts because I could with 100% certainty say that they weren’t real and tell my partner that with 100% certainty (though, I stopped confessing about 6 months ago). This is just so scary.

moccalate

Date posted: 17h

@Catsaremylife If it helps, you can play on music! Or sign up for a class where you see people and are distracted. Sometimes I get intrusive thoughts when weight lifting but I quickly say in my head “Thats OCD. I won’t interact with the thought, analyze or ruminate with it. It leads to nowhere; just more anxiety. I am happy working out”. And they leave. Try a new exercise with that attitude and you’ll feel better. Remember OCD wants to stop you from doing things bc of fear the thoughts will appear, don’t give in! And yup that’s relatable. Everyone with OCD has thought “what if they aren’t intrusive and are actually real?” the very fact you’re worried means they’re not. OCD is egodynostic, always rmemeber that word! Remember you have defeated this before and can do it again. You got this 100%.

Catsaremylife

Date posted: 17h

@moccalate Thank you so much!!!

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