My mindset is blurred, I think I'm losing memory

I feel like one moment, I'm angry and serious, lashing against myself and crying, then I'm hypersexual and have a lot of reckless thoughts in my mind wanting to get hurt, and the next I'm so carefree and almost annoyingly childish. I feel like I both burden and annoy the people I'm close with. I also sometimes forget I'm still a teen. Well,, if 18 still counts even with the label "teen." I'm middle ground but I already feel like a pure grown adult, with the daily amount of times I've reminiscent of my younger years, acting as if I was grown up at that time as well, and so many things I've came across with old notes and memories + Real Events obviously. OCD has overall as well messed me up harshly with everything regarding my life. I say I'm so mature, sometimes I tell myself I'm too serious and the next second I catch myself laughing at immature things while spewing nonsense and being crazy with my close ones.. I occasionally cry when I act too much,, my family all my life has me as a lot, not in a bad way but it feels a bit hurtful considering how fast I was throughout my life. Well, I wasn't even THAT fast either, I think.. it was so discreet and complex to explain. It's an odd feeling. I also had a huge problem infantillizing myself years prior due to many reasons so hm.. I don't know. And during certain instances from peers or whoever, I've been called slow and I come across as awkward and stuttering and messing up my words, or even struggling with simple tasks. There's some points where I use all my brain power to form just simple sentances. I laugh it off and degrade myself a little or lie and call myself a smart kid who just is tired but I really thing my trauma is catching up to where I'm unsure how to act or to where my brain is beginning to fog and shoot at different directions. I can't speak normally anymore, I feel like I'm losing memory and I'm scared. I'm just so tired hahah, I have a lot more on my mind but I just wish I could hug something and sleep for a longgg time until my mind decides to rewire itself and be normal again.. I'm sorry for so many recent rants I'm just back in a low place, I may not be making sense as it's late in the night. I don't want another triggering nightmare tonight, so I wanted to journal on here. I hope everyone here's okay, goodnight. : )💜