Relationship Anxiety

The way my bf talks about this one past partner is really starting to bother me. The first time it wasn’t a problem. I don’t mind hearing about past relationships and experiences. The second time he asked if I wanted to see what he looked like - sure. I was curious. He doesn’t talk about his ex gfs with that much excitement. The guy is pretty for sure. Last night was the third time he’s talked about this guy while we’re on a date; how hot he is, how pretty he is with his hair long, how they met in the gym, etc. It’s starting to bother me. I’m starting to feel like a replacement or infatuation because it didn’t work out with that guy. I feel lesser than but I’m worried about making him feel guilty for sharing. I don’t want him to not share things with me but I can’t help but notice the difference with how he talks about this one guy vs all his other past partners. He’s excited to talk about him and I think that’s what bothers me the most. Why does he get so excited? Why does he still care what he looks like? I want to be the only person that makes him that excited to talk about. And I feel guilty for being jealous.

Anonymous0047

Date posted: 17h

I think your feelings and perceptions are valid and it is something that needs to be addressed or it will eventually cause greater issues than it currently is. If my significant other spoke this way about a former partner consistently it would bother me a lot and have to be addressed.

Dream2026

Date posted: 17h

@Anonymous0047 I think a lot of my guilty feelings is for not having brought it up in the moment. Like it’s wrong of me to wait and say something later. It’s the 3rd time he’s brought up this particular guy but only the 2nd time he’s talked explicitly about how hot he was and I wanted to say something when he started to go on the tangent last night, I just didn’t know how. It was over by the time I felt the urge to ask him to stop. And now that the moment passed I feel icky bringing it up like I’m being ridiculous or overly controlling or jealous and I don’t want him to dislike me fore it. But I just don’t want to hear how hot and sexy he thinks someone else is? Especially someone he’s slept with before, that he still follows on social media, even if he doesn’t have feelings for them.

Anonymous0047

Date posted: 17h

@Dream2026 Maybe wait to see if it happens again and then address it, who knows maybe it won’t come up again!

Dream2026

Date posted: 17h

@Anonymous0047 That’s what I’m hoping! But I’m prepared to say something if it happens again. Confrontation when it’s something “negative” always makes me so nervous

Anonymous0047

Date posted: 16h

@Dream2026 Not communicating about these types of issues will lead to foundational problems in your relationship going forward. It becomes easier to ignore problematic behavior rather than discuss it and fix the issue. If the roles were reversed and you were doing something that was unintentionally causing harm to someone you cared about wouldn’t you want to know ?

Dream2026

Date posted: 18h

Trying to sit with the idea that maybe it is true. What if he does still list after this guy? What would that mean for me. What if I’m not the most special person and why is it so important for me to be?

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