Can anyone relate to this fear?

I think I’m venting a bit so forgive me if this seems rambling. I fell really badly into researching. I did so for close to an hour. The video that triggered me was about covert narcissism, which is the type of narcissism I most fear having. The idea that someone could appear empathetic and caring but actually be secretly selfish and narcissistic really scares me and I feel so utterly convinced that I am that way. I can’t stop thinking about myself, my thoughts, what they mean, how I’m being perceived, worrying if people are upset at me, making things about me that aren’t about me, seeking validation from others and needing it to feel okay about myself. The list goes on and on. I feel there is a part of me that is deeply empathetic and capable of caring for others but I feel sometimes like I’ve spent so much time in my own head that I’ve lost touch with that part of myself. So much of my focus is on feeling okay, on doing what I feel I need to do to not feel threatened by my worries. I just think, “how could I spend so much time thinking about myself and not be a narcissist?” Sometimes I feel envious or judgmental of others. I know there aren’t definite answers to these questions but I want there to be so badly. I just feel so incredibly lost and confused about who I am and what I value and at other times in my life I felt sure I was a good, normal person. Everything I do or say or think or feel gets analyzed through the lens of “is this narcissistic? Did I do this for my ego? Is it right to think that about that person?” and it will not stop. I’ve read so many posts from people with this theme of OCD and I can relate to their struggles so much but I can’t convince myself that it’s really OCD in my case. Everyone keeps saying over and over that “worrying you are a narcissist is a strong sign you aren’t one” or “narcissists don’t have the insight to think they may be the problem” or things along those lines. I am so aware that I could be the problem and that my issues are for me to handle and are not the fault of anyone else. But I am worried I’m just telling myself this to feel better. I just can’t shake this fear that who I am is so bad in ways I can’t even begin to face, that who I have always thought I was is a lie I’ve created because I’m a narcissist who wants to believe he is good. The big fear I have is leading a sad, empty life where I can never really express love and have a healthy connection with another person and it feels too heavy to just “sit with.” I feel like I have to know who I really am before I can begin to feel empowered to truly live the life I want.