i feel bad for confiding in my parents who are bad people

i don’t know what to do. my parents are problematic and i feel extreme guilt whenever i go to them for comfort or confide in them at all. i don’t know if they’ve changed from this but i have memories of more specifically my mom saying remarks that are micro aggressions or just sometimes being straight up racist. i already know that my parents are transphobic and homophobic and say it’s because of their religion (and they’ve also excused genocide because of their religion.) i have confided in them in extreme ocd episodes and i feel bad for caring about them even though they’re this terrible thing. my mom herself even has history of verbal abuse with me and i don’t know what to think about it. the point is that they’re bad people and i feel terrible about not knowing how i should interact with these people who love and care for me so much. i’m 17 and probably won’t move out in a very long time since i have chronic fatigue, and i am very out of touch with the world. i have nobody to go to and from what i’ve seen probably no relatives that share the same viewpoints as me. i’ve been cutting off so many people recently and i don’t know if it’s wrong, but if i cut off every problematic person in my life who wouldn’t listen to reason i would be completely alone. i don’t know what to do and i just want an answer. everything i do feels wrong and i just want to do the right thing. i’m extremely isolated and interacting with anyone is problematic, even my parents, even myself. i just wish i knew what to do.

TreeCrab

Date posted: 15h

Unfortunately, we don't get to choose who our parents are or whether or not they are racist. It's especially difficult being a teenager and unable to move out and make your own choices. When you're older and have the means, you can choose to keep them in your life or not but for the time being, it's not your fault that they are like that. Unfortunately it's best to ignore that side of them for now and accept the love and care they provide to you - and that doesn't make you a bad person. It's really disappointing how my parents and so many of my friend's parents have become problematic. Truthfully, I blame it on Fox News. They all seem to love watching that same crap. Now that I'm an adult, I don't hesitate to call my mom out if she makes hateful comments. It's not like she can ground me anymore lol and one day, you'll be able to call out your mom too (if you want to). Hang in there!

star☁️💗

Date posted: 20h

I get you, parents can be hard to confide in. I’ve had episodes and I feel invalidated too sometimes. It’s okay to still care and love them, they are your parents after all. It’s okay to just agree to disagree. People have problems and sometimes that’s just the way it is. OCD be really overwhelming so I get you, truly. I hope this makes sense, but what im trying to say is, it’s okay to still love your parents. You’re never alone and whatever you go through, you’ll get through it. I wish you the best :)) ❤️‍🩹

anon7336474864

Date posted: 20h

i understand what you mean and i appreciate your kind words, but i just feel like it’s wrong to continue being okay with them. i keep thinking of the example that hanging out with someone who’s racist means you’re tolerating racism enough to interact with them and ignore it, including your parents. i don’t know how to deal with them especially since i’m not in the situation to leave them. i’m conflicted about them but i still feel ashamed to say that i care for them.

star☁️💗

Date posted: 19h

@anon7336474864 Yea, i understand. I mean, I believe tolerating, knowing the situation you’re in, is an okay case. It’s not like you’re accepting of their behaviors and enabling it. I think it’s okay to kind of just ignore the ignorant things they say. You can still love them even though, they may say some out of pocket things. Don’t feel ashamed, you’re all good. There’s no point in feeling guilty for their actions. You know you’re a good person, and that is all that matters. Plus, I know it can feel heavy when you feel trapped by ocd too. Just take it easy, one day at a time, and know that you have people who care and love you. That’s all that counts. :)

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