There is life without the noise!

All my life, I assumed I was normal. The inside of my head is all I know. Those “weird” thoughts, curiosities and loops? I figured it was just an age thing I’d grow out of! When I’d ask earnest and curious questions about those thoughts, the revulsion, fear and confusion I was met with was the first sign. Then the shame. Then the fear. Then the silencing. Then anxiety. With their powers combined, they made my OCD. I imagined my brain to be like 7 radios constantly playing different stations and they were very uncomfortably loud. Some days, I would learn how to mute them. Others, I’d turn the volume down on a few. With therapy, medication, and a really amazing support system of trusted family and friends, I eventually got to a place where they were basically like white noise machines playing in the background. I was always a little scared of the volume knobs breaking, but all in all, I was “managed”. 80% of my brain energy went into managing, but I was “good enough!” And then I met my NOCD therapist. They were able to help me shift my entire frame in a way that has fundamentally changed my brain space. I am still getting used to the newfound PEACE that I feel in my body and head. This new world is still that— new! AND SAFE! Safe. Who knew that my brain could be a safe space… what a relief.