- Date posted
- 21h
Ocd can be as real as it gets
I wanted to write this cause I think it might give some confort to people who think there is no way what they are experiencing is ocd because it feels too real. For the past three months I've been fixated on the possibility of having a heart attack because one day I had some pain under my left ribs and thought "what if I'm having a heart attack". Instead of letting the thought pass, I started researching heart attack symptoms and checking my body for them and the more I checked the more symptoms my body created. After that, I started having heart palpitations every night, I would have trouble falling asleep because when my heart beats would slow down my brain would assume I'm actually dying, and I would have random chest pain throughout the day, but I didn't get it checked because I knew it was caused by anxiety (the symptoms would start as normal anxiety symptoms and would only get worse after I would start thinking about the typical symptoms of a heart attack). I then went through some heartbreaking things and I was really sad and I started thinking of how some people die of a broken heart and I got really scared that that's what was gonna happen to me and the physical symptoms got sugnificantly worse the more I thought about it. I would cry about this situation that I was extremely sad about and the whole time I would tell myself that I have to stop crying cause my heart might give out. Finally, last week I saw a tiktok of a girl saying that she went to the hospital for very slight chest pain and it turned out she had had a heart attack and after seeing that I started researching things like silent heart attacks and what kind of tests you need to do to make sure you didn't have one and my chest pain got worse. I went to see my family doctor and she said my heart seems fine and it's probably just anxiety but because she didn't run the tests I had read about I was still convinced I was having heart attacks every day. I made an appointment to see a cardiologist but I had to wait 5 days for them to see me and I couldn't stop thinking that I might die in 5 days and because I kept thinking about this, my chest pain got worse and worse that I ended up going to the ER. They ran all the possible tests and it turns out that my heart is completely healthy and there is no sign of there ever having been something close to a heart attack. After going to the hospital and confirming that there is nothing wrong with my heart, all the symptoms went away immediately, I haven't had any chest pain since. All of this to say that ocd can be as real as it gets. It's not that the chest pain wasn't real, obviously it wasn't in my head, but it was caused by anxiety and being worsened by me engaging with my thoughts and by all my checking for heart attack symptoms and researching. All of this was caused by a thought that stuck and by me compulsively engaging with it. This post is also not meant to say that if you experience actual pain that worries you you shouldn't get it checked and immediately disregard it as ocd. Go to the doctor of course, but try to trust what they say more than you trust your ocd.