Help

Not sure if anyone can help, but I'm having intimacy problems in my relationship. I love my bf so much but most of the time don't want to be intimate (have sex or do anything sexual). I used to want to be intimate all the time, but it's changed over time. I have dealt with sexual trauma in my past which I feel has affected me. I have also dealt with and still from time to time do deal with relationship ocd. Talking to my current ocd therapist and getting advice from her who I've had for years (and is great) hasn't helped me and I feel really stuck. Wondering if maybe I need another therapist who specializes in intimacy or trauma I don't really know. Has anyone else dealt with this before? I feel as if it's affecting my relationship. My boyfriend said he feels alone and I said I feel alone and we both admitted that we don't know how to help each other in this situation.

Catmom4

Date posted: Yesterday

I resonate with this a lot. It’s one of my biggest obsessions/triggers. When my husband and I first started dating and being intimate, it was a daily, sometimes multiple times a day occurrence. About a year in, I had what I think was my first major ROCD spiral. It completely changed my feelings toward intimacy. I was so confused and scared. Recognizing that relationship anxiety and relationship OCD are real things others experience helped ease some of my anxiety. I also have tried to explore for myself what turns me on or gets me in the mood. I’ve also learned that I have “responsive desire” while my husband has “spontaneous desire”. This is quite common in heterosexual relationships, and doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. I think just understanding yourself and your partner can help alleviate some worry. I certainly haven’t figured this all out, but when I look back to the woman I was a couple of years ago, I can see so much growth in this area. It really starts with accepting that our desire levels can change

heywhatsup

Date posted: Yesterday

@Catmom4 Thank you for your comment! Honestly now that i think about it responsive desire does sound more like me than spontaneous. I feel like when we first started dating it was a lot of spontaneous but as time went on it got more responsive. Also did have a trigger for my sexual trauma and it has changed ever since. I don't know how to work around that but I'm hoping that I'll figure it out

Catmom4

Date posted: 20h

@heywhatsup Trust me, I get how confusing it can be. Especially if OCD is latching onto it and twisting the story. If you can find a therapist to talk to, especially one versed in sexual trauma, that might help a lot. And just being patient and kind with yourself. It sounds like you and your partner have been able to be open and honest, which is huge. It’s not easy, but if you work together as a team I believe you can find a new flow that works for both of you

Mr. D

Date posted: 2d

I can relate. I am not sure what to do.

bootswiththefur

Date posted: 2d

I'm old fashioned so I'm looking at it through that lens. Personally, I think if you're just dating someone and not married to them, you're not really obligated to give them sex. You might feel differently about that. I'm not here to try to change your mind. Only hoping that you feel free to say no to sex and that it's ok to do that. 🩷

heywhatsup

Date posted: Yesterday

@bootswiththefur Thanks so much💕

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