Kind of ruminating about something 21+ only

Adults only I'm worried about the times where I feel like I may have watched something with a fictional minor in it thinking they were adults. That bothers me a ton. I'm also bothered by the time that I searched "lil sis" as a taboo in a search just for the sake of taboo, didn't find anything but then I watched a video and quickly broke out in tears because of how little control I felt I had over my addiction. Eventually my mind tied this to pocd because of lil being in the search but I think I was bothered because of the incest tone of the taboo. It really bothers me because pocd is trying to make it something worse and I don't want to believe that because I'd never search for someone like that. I don't want to believe that I'd ever willingly look for something horrible like that.

TheObsessive...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

I totally understand how you feel. I found an adult animator I liked and watched some of their content, and found they had a slight incest tone that made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I felt really ashamed and worried that I would be seen as someone who likes that or that it would mean I would feel that way about my family. It felt really scary in the moment but i was able to sit with it, and let it pass through. I know how you feel, adult content can already feel somewhat shameful at times and when it jumpscares you with something that triggers you it makes it feel even worse. Hope you were able to sit with it!

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

It comes up on and off. A lot of porn has these really taboo undertones but it works because that's just how the psychology behind it works. You get desensitized and then you look for further taboos. Unfortunately I remember looking through so many taboo things that I knew didn't align with me but it was for the sake of trying to find a new high. Sometimes that left me very scarred mentally, losing hours of sleep at night, and feeling really terrible about myself. It's hard not to continue feeling that way but I was told that I should say I'm not a bad person for it

TheObsessive...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@BigGyro09 I remember doing that too! I ended up going to animated porn because of it, and I still sometimes have that issue, but I try to stick to what I like and what I like only now. And if I can’t find a new video or drawing, then I look at things I’ve favorited in the past. I’m sorry that it’s made you feel that way, I totally understand how you feel.

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

@TheObsessiveCompulsiveL It's a very normal thing and I'm trying to remember that when it comes to porn addiction. It helps to not be harsh on yourself when it comes to trying to stop. It helps to substitute one thing with another and to interrupt the cycle of urges that demand to go back to it. I feel like I got a little lucky when it came to me stopping the cycle of watching porn again and again. I do hope that helps in any way.

TheObsessive...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@BigGyro09 Yeah definitely!

anonymous7e

Date posted: 17h

Idk if this really relates but I can’t even watch shows if the characters are minors even if the actors are adults

BigGyro09

Date posted: 17h

Yeah it's the same for me, any kind of high school scenario media I'm typically against and what makes it weirder is that they aren't afraid to get lewd with that stuff because the actors are adults. It's so odd

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