i’ve never talked to anyone about my ocd

so my bf is the only person who i’ve talked to abt my ocd and it’s been getting worse as im getting older. i need to talk to people who also struggle with what i am because its so hard to explain to him and i cant expect him to fully understand what im going thru and im pretty bad at communicating how i feel but especially now that im aware of my ocd it feels it’s sm worse. i constantly think about what the right or wrong thing to do is and how to achieve the most perfect feeling all day, and like if one thing is wrong like my socks or shirt i feel like my day is genuinely ruined…everything is so serious to me and it makes it extremely hard to enjoy life when all im thinking about is “is this right? no no it’s no good i need to do something different” everything has the be so specific my playlist my room my phone background and setup my aesthetic the movies i watch the songs i listen to like it’s driving me absolutely crazy

perkyrotten

Date posted: 18h

my partner is the only person outside of my NOCD therapist who knows about my ocd as well. something that really helped us, was “say it, make it sound better after.” communication is key to making someone understand; and if you feel too nervous, writing it down could help too. my partner also helps by practicing my ERP strategies with me, and maybe that’s something you can also introduce to your partner to help them understand better.

angelbitesz

Date posted: 18h

@perkyrotten what kind of erp strategies do you use ? we have talked about erp and he is more than willing to help me with doing it but i’m SO scared of it and absolutely hate doing it which is literally the point lol…. i get so frustrated and will lash out sometimes. it feels like i can’t help myself. for example like i can’t watch him cook cause watching people make food bothers me so much and the food he eats i can’t stand i am extremely picky and plain and if other foods are touching each other it drives me nuts and he’ll show me a plate of food he made and i’ll get really disgusted NOT BECAUSE he made it bad but because to me it makes me actually sick to see food that is touching or has a certain texture….hes pretty passionate about cooking and is proud of the things he makes so i just feel like a awful girlfriend for these feelings i have

perkyrotten

Date posted: 14h

@angelbitesz naming the feeling, naming what urge the feeling is causing, and forcing myself to sit with the discomfort it brings me. i’m big on satisfying the immediate urge to make my anxiety go away, or to prove that i’m not a bad person; so my goal is having to be okay with not knowing what the answer to something will be. it’s really difficult, but my partner will also help me with these. they’ll make me sit, we’ll talk it out, and be silent together while the urge and discomfort comes through, then it’s gone. i completely understand the texture and food-touching problem. i had this issue for awhile! maybe if you are using a NOCD therapist, you can bring this up with them so that they can give you some strategies to help with your specific anxieties. the famous phrase “fear is the mind killer,” is something i’m also using to help me face problems. if i let fear rule my life, i won’t get anything done. let living your life rule over your fear, not the other way around. my therapist says that OCD hates when you just, go about your day. being too busy to focus on the thoughts is weirdly helpful too.

perkyrotten

Date posted: 14h

@angelbitesz also, i like journaling. something about writing down the obsessions and urges i experience makes them less like something taboo i can never talk about, and more of another way of destroying my fear around my OCD. it works for me, and it may not work for you; which is completely fine; my OCD may be completely different from yours; but, it brings me a lot of relief to see it on paper and know that, by writing it, it doesn’t feel as imprisoning.

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