What are ways you handle conflict in light of OCD?

I'm not looking for advice from people for the following situation.... I just want to ask ya'll a question. In the last few months, I had a severe rupture in my relationship with one of my siblings, to the point that I have told her that she's not welcome in my home. In my family culture, growing up, I felt like I was not welcome to a voice if my opinion disagreed with certain family members, especially our parents. As a result of this, as I got older, I developed my toxic pattern of ruminating over things that bothered me, instead of trying to talk them out, because if I tried to talk them out, I would be shut down. Then I would explode in anger, and then my explosion "proved" that I was the one in the wrong, and it would come back on me yet again that I was the one who had to change. Others could get away with whatever, and if I tried to communicate that what they said or did hurt/offended me somehow, I was the crazy one. Hence, my ruminating and stuffing everything, role playing what I wished I could say, yet hardly ever actually voicing my frustrations in comparison with the level of rumination. So, in this recent rupture, when I brought everything to this sibling's attention in writing, she yet again put it off on me - and where applicable, my wife. And so, I followed through on what I told her I would do if she did that again, and declared her unwelcome in my home, and cut contact down to what is absolutely necessary. I have an upcoming meal planned with our mom, and I have yet again found myself role playing what I would like to say, anticipating what I expect she'll say. While I know this is OCDish, I do also think that, in balance, role playing conversations - which honestly won't go anything like how you role play them - can at least prepare your brain for what you would like to say, and maybe help you say what you want to say if you get the chance to say it. So my question is.... Where do you think the line is between healthy role playing conversations - thinking about what you want to say - and OCD rumination in role playing conversations? What are ways you've handled relational conflict in light of OCD? Especially with family?

TheObsessive...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

For me personally, and this goes for any conflict, I try to weigh if what I’m saying to the other person is something I feel like I HAVE to say in order to make the situation go away (OCD) or if it is something that genuinely needs to be discussed. It entirely depends on the intention behind what you want to say. If it feels like you HAVE to say it, it’s a compulsion. Sometimes you also have to say things that might make you uncomfortable, and expose yourself to saying the wrong things by telling the other person how you truly feel.

Amy B.

Date posted: Yesterday

This has been on my mind lately too. I don't have as serious or stressful of a conversation coming up as you, but it's a conversation that is important to me and I'm not sure who all will be present for it. After burning way too much time and energy thinking about what might be said in all sorts of senarios, I realized i needed to stop. I decided to think about what I wanted to tell them, but not review any specific ways I might say it or what might be said back and forth. I also decided if I would say more or less depending on who is there, but again I did not review any theoretical conversations. I just figured out what I wanted them to know at the end. Not sure if this is helpful, this is new to me too. My conversation is on Sunday 🤞

Nicole T

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi, I can definitely relate. Growing up I also felt like I didn't really have a voice. I was also very shy. I tended to ruminate and hold in my feelings until I exploded. I still struggle with this, although I've gotten somewhat better. I also like to role play conversations beforehand to figure out what I'm going to say. I feel like it helps me collect my thoughts and get to what I really want the other person/people to know. I think that role playing is ok, but if you're spending excess amounts of time and energy and ruminating over all the different ways the conversation could go, it becomes more of a negative.

nissassin

Date posted: 18h

For me, my "role-playing" tends to cross the line when I start speculating on how the other person will react to what I might say. It always goes dark and I spiral into what it means when they react that way and what they think of me, based on a reaction that hasn't even happened. If I can just focus on the points that I feel are important and how I feel about them, and figure out a way to say them that will be the least offensive or assholish, and keep reminding myself that ultimately how they react or respond is not any of my business, I can usually keep from spiraling. What happens after that is future me's problem and he can deal with it when it happens, not before.

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