Schiz-OCD issues: So for the past day or so I have felt like I'm on autopilot but even that feels weird to me. Like how do I even know what to do on autopilot? Where is the autopilot even coming from? Are these my own thoughts? Are they coming from somewhere else? Where else would they be coming from? What if I have a split personality? How can I know this is me? I googled some of these and came up on thought insertion and now I'm freaking out that I am having a psychotic break or something.

I just thought of something that might help. Think of guitar players. They've put hours into training their brains to be able to operate on autopilot while playing guitar because having to consciously relearn all their songs every time they wanted to play would get tedious. So autopilot can be a good tool for us.

@ehdyhvhj It's like I fell right back into my thought loop and I will forget it for a minute while I'm teaching and then my brain is like "you forgot to think about where that thought came from. It's autopilot. Where do the autopilot thoughts come from? What if you believe they are from somewhere else?" It's like everyone saying "oh the fact you're questioning it means you aren't" makes me try to not question it to check myself? I am torturing myself

I've had DP/DR but never like this. However the fear always come back to psychosis or schizophrenia...I'm trying to remind myself of that but my brain is like NO ITS REAL THIS TIME.

@Cisforcaro Hahahah i can relate so much. But trust me or all the psychiatrists/scientist: you would not know if you had a psychosis. Thats a fact

@Tommmm These thoughts are so weird though "are my thoughts my own?where are my thoughts coming from?" Sounds like something a schizophrenic would say... I'll admit I've mostly had DR not DP

@Cisforcaro Yeah but if you had psychosis/schizophrenia you would really think that these thoughts are not your own but the fact that you are afraid that you think that these thoughts are not yours proves that you know that the thoughts are yours. I hope you understand my broke english hahah

About a week ago I missed 4 days in a row and before that a handful of other days of my 150mg of Zoloft. I immediately started taking it again and that's been for a week. The doctor said it would probably take another week and that retaking my full dose so quick could have spiked my anxiety. I'm also on an antibiotic for bronchitis and taking vistaril trying to fight the anxiety.

@Cisforcaro I hope you get better. I've been through some pretty bad OCD experiences that left me bedridden for months but I'm slowly coming to a place where I use anxiety as a learning experience. So whenever I start having anxiety I try and see if I can relax in the moment and fully accept my feelings (mindfulness meditation.) Neurologically the only way to "cure" OCD is to not give into your compulsions, thus making your brain break down its pathways causing OCD. It's like the more you validate your compulsions the more your brain says "okay I guess what I'm doing is helpful." But if you start ignoring them then your brain literally rewires itself to stop being obsessive compulsive. Easier said than done of course.

@ehdyhvhj Yea that sounds alot like Brain Lock, which I've read before...but when I am full throttle OCD it's like I cant remember anything I've learned.

@Cisforcaro Yeah anxiety shuts off the rational parts of our brains. But if it helps I've had almost the exact same ocd thoughts you've had, literally thought I was psychotic, but now I just realize they're irrational and if I was psychotic I wouldn't even be able to ask the question of whether or not I was. And to have psychosis you need a serious life trigger... like brain injury or drug abuse.

@ehdyhvhj The exact same thoughts I listed above in my original post? If so, that is comforting.

@Cisforcaro Yes I used to obsess everyday about where my thoughts were coming from. Who I am? Is the voice behind my thoughts really me? Do I think my thoughts? Really what made me feel crazy was that nobody else was talking about these things. It seemed that people can just go outside and do normal things without giving a single thought about the nature of their mind. But really I think that thinking about these big questions is what makes life worth living. The mind is incredibly complex and I'll never be able to understand a lot of things I ask. When you're on autopilot what I think is happening is that your brain is so incredibly complex that it can take in sensory stimuli and know what to do all without much conscious input on your part. Most people go through their lives like this just like you, just the difference is they never stop to think about their own brains and what makes them tick.

@ehdyhvhj Thank you so much. Today was my first day back at work. I teach high school, and so I HAD to be on autopilot today and it was making my obsessions stronger if that makes sense.

@Cisforcaro Yes I think it's a good thing to be on autopilot sometimes and not hyper focused on each and every little thing we do. Our brain works on autopilot because it'd be way too inefficient to have the conscious mind consider each and every individual thought/action. This whole issue stems from a thought about being out of control of yourself I think. It's something I deal with but it's not like your unconscious/autopilot mode and your consciousness are enemies or anything. Your brain is one large machine with many moving parts that are all technically "you." And the fact that you're so consciously aware of your subconscious brain I honestly think is a good thing which can lead to spiritual growth that a lot of people never get the opportunity at.