I suffer from POCD... It sucks and lately I have been suffering from a memory where I might have proceeded wrongly with a child. I hate myself and I want to kill myself.

I was almost 21. I'm in such distress...

@thoughtstroubledmind I’m suffering from this exact same situation, and I feel miserable. It feels so isolating and terrifying because at the time I knew for sure that I never had any ill intentions, but it’s like I can’t prove that to myself now.

@scrupulosity777 Same... Plus this story was one of the first that awoke me to the ocd so... I didn't know how to react. I was still in denial! I wished it had never happened. I feel like I didn't do anything wrong but I'm not sure.

@thoughtstroubledmind That’s literally how I feel! And the funny thing is I only ever worry about this when I have a flare up of OCD. Didn’t worry too much about it at the time, because I could prove to myself then that it wasn’t meant to be bad or inappropriate but now... ??‍♂️

@scrupulosity777 Right? I had intrusive thoughts during the entire day but I tried to fight it and afterwards (when the day was over) I was like "well, I didn't do anything wrong." but now I'm like "are you sure about that?"

@thoughtstroubledmind Same here, and I’m just not sure what to do, or if something legitimately inappropriate even happened. I don’t exactly know how to deal with this.

@scrupulosity777 I wished I could help you... But I have the same problem. I feel like I did something wrong and I do not know how to deal with it. I have been considering suicide as the only option

@thoughtstroubledmind Let’s not jump into that. I think we can get through this, and I think it’s fixable. As long as you don’t seek reassurance that nothing happened, things will start getting better.

@scrupulosity777 It's hard because my OCD is ver severe... I no longer seek reassurence but I still ruminate and ruminate and ruminate. POCD isn't the only thing I suffer from... My case is very complex and detailed and I fear to not get better or worse... That I don't have ocd but the real paraphilia(s). (I also suffer from zoophilia OCD) - it's hard.

@thoughtstroubledmind I totally understand. I have several kinds myself, and I also struggle with rumination. Like right now, I’m fairly sure I didn’t do anything that was close to being bad or evil, but in ten minutes I’m sure I’ll feel like I’m going to hell over something I’m not even sure I intended.

@scrupulosity777 Yeah... Me too... I'm already struggling with a new thing. Well, it's more embarrassment for having done this thing, not really related to OCD.

@thoughtstroubledmind I feel that too on such a spiritual level! I totally do!

@scrupulosity777 I wished I wasn't as weird or embarrassing as I am... I... I don't know... I wished I was more normal, in a way. More serious, less daydreamer... I'm an embarrassement to everyone (atleast, that is how I feel). I'm sorry for venting.

@thoughtstroubledmind Don’t be sorry, it’s a good way to see that you aren’t alone! I think we can be harder on ourselves than others, so it’s good to take a step back and do some positive affirmations at times!