Guys with hocd. Whats it like when you see an attractive male?

Pure hell.

I can say with women?Idk if it helps but I think it is the same...It feels like I am attracted to her or like I wanna be with her when most of the time I dont find anything that attracts me I mean the girls are pretty but nothing more and its so annnoying and makes me anxious.And how do you feel when you see an attractive male?

For me, i immediately get nrrcous in my chest/stomach area

I become veryyy anxious, and need to get out of there as soon as possible. Check for arousal or groinal response but this (luckily) never happened before. I ask myself immediately, could you be attracted to him? Look, he looks good don't you think so? Would you like to kiss him? And I'm like STOPPP fucking god please. When I see a cute girl i am aroused, feel a warm feeling and love to keep staring at her. Why is HOCD so fucked up!!! I know exactly what I like and what turns me on...

Anxious as well. To be honest i get hocd when i see men who are more idk masculine and more big than me cuz (bla bla childohood father wasnt’t there he cheated on my mom, abusive) so practicly kind of a lack of father like protection and that shit triggers somehow this. When the image is very explicit i get a somehow boner but one very strange cause at a conscious level i don’t like what im watching and imaging or idk putting myself in such a situation makes me sick. Recently I thought hmm what if im bisexual? Ok so because in the late idk 2 months my life was mainly about sexuallity what was the first think i checked? Bi porn: of course i didnt like it but idk hocd was putting something downthere. But now im kinda chill cause i know i wouldnt do such a shit (sorry if there are any gays or bis around here)