Hi i'm new here (30yo male). I suffer from pocd. I stumbled over child porn when i was 14 my life is ruined ever since and i can't wait for God to end it and take me home.

I’ve been struggling with POCD since I was 18 years old, I am now 22. It’s terrifying how quickly it switched from my ocd focusing on a fear of pregnancy, to magical thinking ocd, and then to POCD. I’ve been suffering with it so much so that I’ve convinced myself and have lost friends due to confession compulsions. I have major issues with ruminating, and it frequently goes hand in hand with my relationship OCD and my Suicidal thoughts OCD. (Worrying my partner will leave me because what if I am, and that I can’t take this anymore so I have to __) I often experience things like shame, guilt, grief, and intense emotional pain that manifests itself into nausea and heartburn and sometimes headaches. I’ve tried everything, so this app really is my last resort. I wish to find community here, to know that what I’m facing I’m not alone in my battles with. I know that I’m not, so why does my brain work so hard telling me I am? I love children, I always have. But I get so afraid of being near them. I want to get better. I want to be able to spend time with my family again.

Howdy, my names Donii. I have POCD and I frequently fear that I might harm any kids around me, so much so that I physically stay away from them sometimes. I obsess over these thoughts that go against my morals, they don't show up all the time but when they do, I can't stop thinking about it and then I get distressed and try to remove myself and do something to distract myself those thoughts. Like watching porn to try and replace the person I may be thinking about with someone random, or If the thoughts aren't too intense, I imagine the thought as a picture and burn it. I often fear that I am a pedophile even though those are the people I hate the most, just thinking about hurting kids and making them cry, makes me want to cry. I'm in therapy to help me with these thoughts and I've learned that I have these thoughts because of what happened to me as a child, I was exposed to a lot of sexual content as a kid and even explored things with other kids, I'm coming to terms with the fact that kids being curious about each other's bodies is normal although it shouldn't have happened at all. I always think about what happened back then and I think it's definitely linked to the way my OCD brain sees children, it's like I get reminded of what happened. Besides that, I have a whole nother thing about my grandma that I don't feel like getting into right now because this is already very long, but I hope that I am accepted here, I don't have a place to talk about these thoughts without feeling like a monster so I'm hoping this is where I can truly talk about it all.

Hi, I hope that you’re all doing well whoever sees this. Since march I’ve been dealing with pocd, despite not being diagnosed I show many symptoms of OCD and one of my first symptoms of pocd was anxiety and a groinal response from listening at a video talking about a horrible monster and what he did to innocent kids and I’m just not sure on what I have but god pocd just feels so real, I hope I’m not a freak but the intrusive urges, intrusive feelings, intrusive thoughts are just horrible I want the old me a month and half ago back.