Iemand NL?

Uh nope i dont bc for years i tried to accomplish things like that but it never worked. I trust on god now. My life used to be full of routines too but it somehow faded away, the same can happen to u:)

@Crassus1 Welll my religion is kinda complicated. Im christian, i call myself christian, but there is a lottttt for me to learn yet. For some part hocd made me a horrible person bc i dont have much motivation to live which makes me very grumpy a lot so i can be mean to people in my head (not in real life i would never) or i lack a lot of sympathy. I used to have it a lot but since hocd i find it so hard to feel bad for someone which sounds horrible but i litteraly cant feel it, im numb to it. Things that used to scare me and things i used to feel so bad for (examples: war, poor people, sick people) now dont reallt give me any emotion. It makes me feel like a horrible person but i know deep down this is my hocd that ruined my soul so im not myself so the person who is like this is not me. Also i cant commit to read the bible myself. Idk why its so hard for me to grab it and read it while i know rhere will be sooo many wise lessons in there and i truly truly recommend jt really because sometimes when i do read the buble i read parts and its like theyre especially written for me. I feel like a lot of people relate. But i do go to church and then i hear his word too. But anyway this makes me all feel like im not a good person so when i call myself christian i sometimes feel like i dont live up to a good christian or im not doing the right things like im depressed and i have lots of fears and god sayd that anyone who knows fear isnt gods child, now i think we dont have to take it so litteral but it is a way of god saying, you can trust in me. Whatever ur going trough whatever is bothering you, whatever is making you anxious and worried, ill take it from you. Put it in my hands and dont worry no more about it. But this obviously isnt said and done. We have hocd or any type of ocd and we cant just 123 fully trust god and give our fears and worrjes to him. But it takes steps, babysteps when needed. Slowely we can convince ourselves that god has got this. Hes got this and if we trust in him he will give us all we need to heal and become ourselves again. Ive prayed to god a lotttttt. So i didnt notice anything first. Then later i got a little more relaxed with my ocd and actually i never realised that that was gods work till now, so i can see that after being patient enough you results. And now my ocd isnt gone completely, not at atll its still here and its thriving sadly because even tho it was worse, when i have bad days i still dont see the point of living. But on good days ohmygoodness i can be so thankful and feel good even tho its not nowhere near how happy i used to be, its a step and im so thankful for thst step bevause you arent just healed. Healing comes in steps. Bad days, good days, bad days, good days till eventually ur starting to feel better and better and ur as good as healed. So idk its about trusting the process. Knowing on bad days that there are good days. Remebering that those are worth to stay here. And i feel like my steps have been given to me as i notice the good and bad days happening to me all the time. I still dont know when its really over but we have to be patient. So god playes a big role bevause sometimes i forget to pray or forget to thank him or i forget that he has control over this. But he does. He does if you give your problems to him and allow him to let you heal. Om my bad days i forget about this all. I get mad and angry and i get depressed and im so done i would beliebe anything im wrighting down right now. But om the good days i do and i trust the good days, bevause thats who i want to be.

@Crassus1 Good u wont regret it :)

@Crassus1 Ofcourse ask whatsver u want

@Crassus1 I 100% believe that he does. Nothing is more important that faith. Its what keeos u standinf on he feet, gives u the best advice. Also in heaven u will litteraly live forever and life is nothing compared to how long ur heaven lol its endless

@hocdgirlsummer Yes, it’s endless and ocd free :) But I don’t think I deserve to go there since I feel that without ocd there’s no me... and I’m a sinner... and my mind doesn’t let me believe... I start questioning the very concept of faith... in the church there r only old people and my classmates are making fun of God and of christian values...

@Crassus1 I know exactly its so hard these days to keep focus on godd. I sometimes make jokes too idk why but i so and then I apologize but then i go on doing it ljke i never truly learn it. I feel like i dont deserve to be there too because exavtly as u said my soul will go there but my soul is not pure like this and i hate that that happened. Im a big sinner too i curse a lot, im sometimes self scentered and i dont have any sympathy sinsce hocd. I made a dramatic change in my soul ever since hocd and its horrible its juat not me but i cant get myself back too. So idk where im at in life at this point.. its a very uncomfortable place and i never thought it was possible to feel like this. I wish i could stay true to god and read the bible but for some reason i keep fcking up...

@hocdgirlsummer I understand you perfectly, I find it hard even to open the Bible bcs it’s holy and I’m unclean ( reminds me of the jewish priests in the who had to wash their hands before reading from the Torah...) and when I see a picture of Jesus I’m getting a lot of negative intrusive thoughts and then I try to think of something innocent, oh and if there are a bunch of books in front of me I always put the Bible at the top... and when I hear the name “Satan” I repeat in my mind or out loud the name “Jesus”

@Crassus1 Yeaah same i do some things like that to i also have the intrusive thoughts and i just cant think clear so i cant the information up in me in a healthy way.

@Crassus1 But I think that our thoughts doesn’t matter so much... what matters is our ACTIONS... I think we should try to help for example poor people even if we don’t feel compassion or we don’t love them... I think in the end what’s most important is what u do

@Crassus1 Trueeee

@hocdgirlsummer Do you go to school?

@Crassus1 Yupp

@hocdgirlsummer Me too. My grades suck and until I found out that I have ocd I used to blame myself for being so unproductive compared to my normal classmates. It’s so frustrating to see my your school situation declining and my future breaking up in front of my eyes...

@Crassus1 I know i always couldnt waitfor what the future had to bring but now i get sooo anxious thinking bout the future

@hocdgirlsummer “If you are depressed, you’re living in the past, if you are anxious you are living in the future...” I WANT TO BE AT PEACE, I WANT TO LIVE THE PRESENT... CARPE DIEM... but I can’t ofc :(

@Crassus1 Forreaaal

@hocdgirlsummer School is so depressing... I can’t concentrate on the lesson. And if ocd wasn’t enough I also have language problems because I’m actually originary from Transylvania, Romania and I moved to Germany 4 years ago and ocd was of course an impediment for me in learning german. My only friend was a greek who spoke english fluently, but he moved back to Greece almost a year ago. Now I feel like I’m the loneliest person on the planet

@hocdgirlsummer How’s your day so far?

@Crassus1 Omg so sad to hear.. my day was okay thank u for asking:) idk it wasnt good but it was not like superanxious anf all that

@hocdgirlsummer Happy to hear it was ok

@Crassus1 Heey, i really understand where u come from, but i cant honestly.. im 17 and my life is like very normal i cant have anyone find out about it because no one would expect it or understand it... how old are u? I think u really need a therapist to talk to maybe because theyre better at helping u get over it. I will be no help at that since i have the same issue as you. I also feel the need to go and hangout with someone who understands but my parents would never agree and they dont even know about my hocd. Tbh it doenst feel like the safest thing in the world for me to meet up w someone i met from an app..

@Crassus1 Wow i believe u lol... whats ur insta tho? I get u rlly Need help. Magbe u can tell ur mok ur depressed, dont tell her bout the ocd and then she might let u get therapy and then u can explain everything to the therapist