Guys, I feel like I am depressed tho. Like actually. When my mom hugged me I didn't even smile. I have had no like expression all day. I feel like shit. At home mom goes to work early and comes home late. Then it's only me my little sister and my dad. Who does everything? I fucking do. I clean, do the dishes, make sure my sisters eat, make everyones bed, puts up games when we play, watching my sister to make sure dad doesn't do anything, and am nice to them. I don't know what more I can do. I feel so much stress every fucking day. I don't tell anyone this but.... Yes I fucking cry everyday, every night. I am just a fucking kid and I do shit like I'm a mom. I haven't told much people about this. I have only told maybe 1 person but... When Kaige( my ex)called me a hoe and everyone was making that a huge joke, I did something I shouldn't have. I cut.i cut myself. I felt I deserved the pain. I deserved everything. That I wasn't worth it. Nobody cares. I let myself hurt for what other people have done to me. And right now at home. I feel like nobody appreciates me. nobody cares. no body knows what goes through my head except me

Today my mom broke down crying because of how much stress she feels having to take care of me, she said I can’t do anything in terms of being able to take care of myself and she’s right I can’t, she breaks down constantly because of me, I don’t know what to do, it’s been like this for years, part of me feels like the only way to save her is to kill myself, I don’t want to die, but it feels like the only way to set her free, I don’t think anyone but her would miss me anyways, I feel utterly hopeless. I’m not going to do anything to myself the voices are just SCREAMING that I need to. I can’t work, I can’t go to school, I’m trying desperately to get therapy, I don’t know what else to do, I wish I was a child again and I felt like I had a chance to be okay. I love my mom so much and she loves me and I’m killing her, I’m actually killing her, with how fuckinh worthless and pathetic I am, it’s too much, I miss being a kid.

This past week I realized I have not friends. It makes me feel lonely. I’ve been homeschooled my whole life, so my only social life would be work or church. I don’t have a job right now due to medical reasons. But I feel like such a fucking loser right now. The voices of my family and myself are making me feel horrible. “You couldn’t even kill yourself right.” Is what my brother said. He told me I need to grow up and realize that nobody gives a fuck. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. Am I really just a sensitive piece of shit? Am I just being dramatic? I feel so lost right now. I can’t stop comparing myself to others who seem to be doing so well. It’s not like I haven’t been searching for a job. They’ve all turned me down. I’ve gotten help and I know my resume is great. Maybe my dad is right that it’s really just how I am. People are hired because of the way they are. I am not outgoing or friendly or approachable and it makes me hate myself so much. I know I can’t kill myself. I can’t put that financial and emotional burden on my family. I’m already enough of a burden as it is. I know that I’m “never a burden,” but the truth is I am. My mom even admitted that I was the most burden of a child and it makes me feel so guilty. I wish they didn’t love me. It’s so selfish and horrible to say that. I know there’s someone out there who deserves my life and family more than I do. I deserve punishment and failure. But I want an answer. It’s impossible to know the future. Am I right? Am I really destined for failure? If only I got that answer I’d be relieved. It’s not the ideal answer, but it’s still an answer. I don’t have to try anymore. It’s fucking tiring. I know I’m not alone. I just don’t know anymore. Maybe I need to realize that this is real life and life’s not fair.

I feel so horrible and guilty, I've been pretty depressed lately and I don't know if i'm doing something wrong or not but my mom keeps getting mad at me, and I keep getting snappy with her. The other day she tried to take a selfie with me and I kinda got mad at her because it was in front of everyone and I didn't want to get anyone uncomfortable if they were accidently in the background so I told her stop in a kind of mean way. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the night and she keeps bringing up how disrespectful I am. I tried to explain to her I didn't mean anything mean by it?? It's triggering my OCD so bad and tonight i'm going to see a band I really wanted to see, and i'm super afraid shes gonna start bringing up how mean i've been lately. I've been really depressed and upset because of school and how much work their giving me, and I've been in my room for mostly more than 10 hours a day doing nothing but watching TV because I can't bring myself out of it, I don't know what to do anymore and the guilt of me possibly being a mean and aggressive person is haunting me.