- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey. I had this theme when I was in middle school and it came back for a while about two years ago. Most recently I was playing ukelele and I developed a blister on my finger (normal). I freaked out with the whole "what if its herpetic whitlow" and even told my closest friends that I was terrified that I might have herpes. I wasn't even sexually active at this point. Sorry for the TMI, but I also had razor burn on my bikini area at the beginning of this obsession and I was terrified that somehow I spread it from my hand to my genitals. Even though I kinda knew somewhere in my mind that it wasn't herpes I also felt completely sure that it was, if that makes any sense lol. It was at the beginning of my current relationship and I was on vacation with my boyfriend and my bestfriend. Somehow herpes came up in conversation because of a joke and then my boyfriend said "if someone gave me herpes I'd probably fucking kill myself" it was hyperbole of course, but it struck that OCD nerve and I got really anxious. Strangely the thing that got me over this obsession is that I found out one of my cousins has herpes and they just control it with medication and they're married with kids and live a completely normal life. It made me realize that if it was true it wasn't a death sentence. I accepted the possibility. I got tested and I don't have herpes. I'm sure this obsession will pop back up at some point, but for now I'm alright. In fact I don't know if you saw my posts a few months back, but I started to obsess that I had Ghonnerea based on pretty much nothing. I had a UTI. Got tested and I was fine. The one thing feel horrible about is that I got an antibiotic shot at the hospital to treat It just in case I had it as reassurance. It was 500 dollars. I still haven't been able to pay it back. So I got tested, didn't have it and still spent 500 dollars to treat an STD that I didn't have. Ugh.
- Date posted
- 5y
I just can’t get it out of my head. You legitimately can get conjunctivitis from STDs so now I think if I get eye gunk on my finger or whatever I will infect myself seeing as I had negative test results, I have no undone them.. I had a hair in my mouth the other day, fucking pubw wasn’t it. Dunno HOW it got there but it wasn’t mine and looked he wrong colour for me or my partner sorry tmi Now I’m thinking I have oral chlamydia and gohnorea from a pube in my mouth I have rectal chlamydia and gohnorea from my eye when I did bullshit erp I probably have it everywhere
- Date posted
- 5y
Legit can’t cope with the idea of being infected. He will think I cheated and leave me. I C A N N O T accept this. I’ll lose my fucking mind if he leaves
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 I understand and it’s hypocritical of me cause ocd does the same shot to me but it’s ocd the only way you could get conjunctivitis from an std is probably physical contact for example someone with an std physical semen into the eye which is very unlikely due to the fact you have a boyfriend
- Date posted
- 5y
What’s your theme
- Date posted
- 5y
STDs I worry that I have given myself an std. I had conjunctivitis which can be caused by STDs so when I touched my eye and didn’t wash my hands I think I infected my genitals when I used the loo I’ve never had an std but I still worry the conjunctivitis was caused by one My partner will think I cheated and leave me if I have him one I didn’t know I had because I always tested negative I need to test again because I feel I undone my negative results from the erp
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 I think this is ocd
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 I had this theme for the longest time
- Date posted
- 5y
@hiiiii So you think this is just ocd then yeah? I cannot tell anymore!
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 Yeah trust me it goes away I’m currently dealing with HOCD and I still have it sorta but it gets better it’s ocd I used to be scared of herpes but I realised that getting conjunctivitis caused by and std is extremely rare and your ocd preys on things that are unlogical and irrational
- Date posted
- 5y
@hiiiii It’s so odd, I know it’s probably my o d but then I go “but what if it’s not!!” Then I’m back to square one wanting to get tested again I keep thinking “what if I was lucky and never caught anything before my partner in my mouth vagina or rectum, but I have always had anxstd in my eye and only realised it a year later when I had conjunctivitis? And then when I touched my eye and used the toilet and touched toilet paper and used it I infected myself? How can I explain that? He will obviously think I’m a bad person who cheats when I would never do that because I love him so so much and he will leave me and my life will be absolutely ruined”
- Date posted
- 5y
Your obsessions fall under “health” or “health concern”
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 5y
Dear writer, please read the email sent to you from NOCD at any mention of self harm or suicide thoughts, actions. The email will provide referral support. Please also reach out to your support persons, dial 911 or go to the nearest emergency room if you have any thoughts of self harm or suicide. NOCD cares about your safety.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks. I won’t do anything stupid I promise. I just don’t know how else to express how uncomfortable I am constantly worrying I’m gonna be left
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
My mom will sit and listen to me for quite a while, but she interrupts a lot and gets angry/upset. While I appreciate her passion, it's often stressful. Every time I come to her, if I even *mention* OCD, she gets frustrated and says, "Everyone deals with these issues, you know. It doesn't mean it's OCD." And I repeat, "I'm not saying my issues are unique — I'm saying the way I respond to them is a problem." But she just shakes her head and says, "Okay, I need to get back to my day." Full context, I'm an adult, and I live with my boyfriend, but I'm staying at my mom's for the next month. After living away from home for years, I went back to living with her during the pandemic, and I only recently left to live with him. Honestly, I think living with her for so long in my adulthood really messed with me and made me feel like a teenager all over again. I feel like my mental growth is stunted, and that's part of why my OCD is so bad lately. Not blaming, just noticing. She doesn't seem to understand how relieving the OCD diagnosis has been for me, because it explains so so so many things I've struggled with for years, and it's exciting to have more resources that can help me. But I think she sees it as me finding an excuse to *not* work on myself, which is just untrue. I'm not going to let OCD hold me back or use it as an excuse, but I'm also not going to pretend it's not a problem when I know it is — I was even diagnosed through NOCD. The whole point being to fix it, not use it as a crutch. When I have an issue, it's unbearable. Any issue, big or small, feels just the same. I feel a sinking feeling, my mind races, my heart beats out of my chest. I end up running to my support systems, crying, ruminating for days on end. Then, months later, the same exact issue can feel like nothing anymore, because it's no longer an obsession. I'm sure everyone deals with issues in a similar way, but I *know* there is something specific and debilitating going on with me. This is reassurance seeking, but in the face of being told I'm making a big deal out of nothing, can someone diagnosed with OCD tell me if they relate to the specific intensity of these feelings??
- Date posted
- 20w
I was diagnosed with OCD around the age of 6, subtype- contamination primarily. It calmed down as I got older and I assumed it had gone away, but also didn’t realize it can show up in other ways, and it still had been effecting me which I know now. I’m not 31 and I’ve been in therapy for a year and it’s helped a lot, although I sometimes get thoughts that what if some of the stuff I’m dealing with isn’t ocd and I’m exaggerating. I feel like thoughts will feel sticky and I’ll do certain compulsions but then the thought eventually vanishes if I do it a few times which makes me think maybe it’s not OCD since other people/friends I know would probably do the exact same thing. Not sure if I’m making sense, but I guess my question is if that thought comes up with anyone else? Just being unsure if something you’re doing actually is ocd or not.
- Date posted
- 12w
I would like to raise awareness for an OCD subtype that is almost never talked about and is not included in the official OCD subtypes. This subtype includes obsessions about: 1. Thinking that something is wrong with your brain 2. Being convinced that you have forgotten how to think 3. Being convinced and paranoid that you have lost your inner voice 4. Being extremely afraid that you have lost the ability to feel 5. Being hyperaware of every thought, tracing it back to see how it occurred 6. Being convinced that something is wrong with you when something doesn’t go the way you expected it 7. Thinking that you are not thinking about it in the right way when trying to think your way out of it Compulsions include: 1. Mentally trying to figure it out 2. Trying to prove to your self that nothing is wrong with you 3. Putting your life at a stop until you figure it out 4. Excessive googling, using chat bots, reddit, researching, reading books & trying to find the missing piece of the puzzle I am sure there are other people who relate to this. This subtype isn’t mentioned anywhere and it’s really confusing for those experiencing it. Please, if you feel or think in a similar way like this post and reply in order to raise awareness.
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