potentially triggering, related to medication and faking obsessions i feel fake because ive had OCD traits since early childhood but i wasnt diagnosed until i was 22 and begged for therapy because my parents think psychologists are all liars and exaggerate everything and even when i self harmed at 4 years old they never thought i should see a doctor. needless to say i have never been allowed to see a psychiatrist. they trust them even less than psychologists because "some of their friends were completely numbed by psych meds", so when i finally got a referral for a psychiatric visit they yelled at me and refused to let me see one or even do blood work to check for eventual imbalances or deficiencies, because "the gp was exaggerating" and according to them i didnt need it. now i feel fake because i think if i was REALLY mentally ill then medication would have been essentially forced on me, they wouldn't have had any choice but to make me see a doctor. people mentioning their medication gives me self harm compulsions. it hurts so bad because i know people who don't even have any diagnosis and still get medication, sometimes from private doctors like dietitians who aren't legally allowed to prescribe them since they aren't psychiatrists or neurologists. it hurts because i know they don't even have a disorder but are able to get meds the moment they feel a little stressed like a quick fix. i've been mentally ill my whole life and never had any chance to even see a doctor, and even my psychologist thinks i shouldnt get meds because they're not the right treatment for me, because "i dont come from a pharmacological culture" (i have pretty much never taken any sort of medication for anything except the common cold) and i have a strong resistance. it hurts. It hurts a lot. and it makes me feel fake, because real mentally ill people take medication. if im being told this it's because im not really struggling, despite my frequent self harm episodes and lifelong OCD and GAD. i dont know how to cope with any of this. it feels like im being ripped apart from the inside every time someone mentions medication. me not being prescribed anything is the proof that im faking.