I don't have any memory of having attraction towards girls but my mind has made up scenarios I don't even know happened. Like I can remember all the times I had crushes on boys but I don't personally remember a time I liked girls. Now my brain has almost convinced me I'm bi/heteroflexible. Is this common? Can someone relate?

Is this weird that I suddenly imagined myself with a women and I didn't get uncomfortable though it was weird. I'm starting to have a feeling I'm heteroflexible. Is that common or maybe valid? Maybe a sign?

@chamomile If you want reassurance, I'm not the person to talk to. I care about helping you, not helping your ocd

@ocdillustrated Fine then. Any tips on how to stop headaches and sensation of vomit at intrusive thoughts?

@chamomile That sounds awfully unpleasant. I wonder how long it will last.... Maybe you could time it, like a science experiment. That's what I did at first. Every five or ten minutes I'd take note of the intensity of my physical anxiety responses so that I could learn how they change over time

@ocdillustrated It sounds unpleasant and it is. It usually lasts around 30 minutes unless I don't distract myself. The bad thing is I just ate food and I'm almost on the verge of crying and throwing up. But thanks for the advice :).

@chamomile Do you think you can wait 35 minutes then?

@ocdillustrated Idk but I guess I can

@chamomile Set a timer and give it a try :) let me know how it goes

@ocdillustrated Ok then :)

@ocdillustrated Ok so just like you asked me to set a timer, and it's has almost been 36 minutes since my headache and sensation started and I still feel sick in my stomach. But good thing my headache's kind of gone :)

@chamomile So in 35 min some of the distress faded. Do you think can set another timer for a half hour and check back in then to see if anything else feels different?

@ocdillustrated I've been having this endless timer going on it's been almost 30 minutes since I told you again and I still don't feel the best. I threw up a little bit in the bathroom a while ago

@ocdillustrated But almost the distress is gone but I'm still anxious and have this constant urge to cry

@chamomile So you've resisted your compulsions for double the amount of time you thought you could

@ocdillustrated Yes but I still have uncomfortable thoughts, like it's a whole storm in my head. But I'm just watching some videos to distract myself

@chamomile The goal of ERP is never to eliminate thoughts. It's to be able to have thoughts (all kinds of them) and be able to act in healthy ways regardless. You're doing a great job

@ocdillustrated Yay! That makes me glad at least a bit. I didn't know this was ERP and I was doing it since a week or so :) but thanks for the help

@ocdillustrated Ok but one thing. Do you know how to get attraction towards boys back? I mean, does it come back overtime? I'm worried and desperately want to get attracted to men

@chamomile Nope. I'm asexual. I don't have attraction to anyone

@ocdillustrated I figured just two minutes ago from another girl's post.

@ocdillustrated Can HOCD make you believe you're gay/bi/heteroflexible though you never felt that way before. Also would you mind if I told you something?

@chamomile OCD can't "make" you believe anything. You get to choose what thoughts you believe. And sure, ask away

@ocdillustrated I see. And well it isn't something I really wanted to ask or frame as a question but it was more of something that happened to me but nevermind. It would be stupid anyway

@chamomile Go ahead :) I'm listening. I just worded my last comment awkwardly

@ocdillustrated I just really needed to get this off my chest for a long time and really needed to speak to someone so this is going to be extremely long: So as a kid I was always attracted to boys but obsessed in a weird way with both the genders. As I grew up , I started watching Japanese cartoons more and in one of them there was the representation of lesbianism. At first I kind of thought it was weird but it was almost normal to me. One thing I had never realized was that I was somehow attracted to one of the girls who looked very much like a boy. But again I didn't think anything of it. Since then I had gotten an idea about LGBT and I supported it a lot. This was also around the time I hit puberty (early age) Going into my tweens, I became more aware of other things in the LGBT community. I also kind of started noticing my fascination with extremely boyish looking females, thus I almost concluded I was bi/biromantic, but I was also high-key scared that I would turn gay. I just remembered this and this has been bothering me so much. Could you tell me anything from this? Maybe some advice or your own opinion?

@chamomile But somehow I always kind of knew and had a feeling I probably wasn't completely straight. Which made me more scared and I avoided everything. Ever since my HOCD really started to get louder, my fear grew more of this. I am afraid to be gay but somehow I'm not that afraid of being bi/heteroflexible. But one thing that has always been clear to me is that I was and still am primarily attracted to boys. This makes things so much more harder for me because I always feel like I'm forcing my attraction on boys though it has always come naturally, even in my dreams. I feel like everything is a lie because I live in a heteronormative society.

@chamomile I'm not sure what you're asking. It sounds like your OCD is telling you that somehow something I say might make you feel certain, or like you've "figured it out". Those feelings are illusions. Unfortunately illusions that people with OCD don't fall for.

@ocdillustrated I know but I just really wanted to know if that's even normal? I mean not everybody had experienced this but does it mean anything? Should I be worried about it at all or just leave it? That's what I wanted to know, I guess I framed my comment pretty weirdly. I'm sorry

Well if you mean it in an adaptive way I don't want to be attracted to girls primarily AT ALL. My adaption to my own sexuality is I only feel attraction to girls with extreme boyish characteristics and mannerism (which isn't pretty abundant or common) and I primarily like boys even from a very young age with no grasp of the concept.

But, the thing strikes me the most is that I only ever felt subtly romantic attraction to females who were very make looking. I only had crush(es) on fictional female character(s) with those specific characteristics. But none of these were sexual. But now my mind has a weird feeling is like it sexually too

I don't really know what's happening at all.

But whatever I told you was something im being honest about and had confused me for a year. Guess it wasn't the best thing to tell you...

Please do I mean I'm going through so much confusion. Aside from this I have other mental and physical stuff to deal with makes it more hard. Everytime I come to terms with my HOCD something always goes wrong :( but thanks for the support so far

Thanks though. Could I come to you again if I gave other problems?