- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
i don’t think you are being over sensitive at all. i would also be upset if I were you. but i also understand that for these people with HOCD, they don’t necessarily think it’s bad for someone be gay, they are just familiar with being straight and are scared they are something they didn’t think they were, if that makes any sense?
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey I struggle with HOCD and I just want to say that I’m so sorry that you feel this way! Please know that I have never met someone with HOCD who is homophonic! In fact, I’ve only seen the opposite. Like the people above have said, it really is just that our thoughts/feelings don’t match up with what we truly want. I’m truly sorry you feel this way! Your emotions matter and I hope you know that we don’t think you or anyone in the homosexual community is a disgrace or “worst case scenario”
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m in high school right now though, and lately I’ve heard a lot of homophobic slurs, and I think that that’s just been getting to me. I’m probably just being overly sensitive ??♀️
- Date posted
- 6y
I used to have intrusive thoughts about being gay but they only scared me because I was scared that maybe I was lying to people by telling them I was straight and I hate lying. Or that Id be bullied if I was gay. Or that I was tricking people who thought I likes boys. Basically my intrusive thoughta about being gay were intrusive thoughts that I might be lying to myself and others and I was a bad person for being so manipulative. They also were only bad when I was goin through puberty and now that Im an adult and have experiences sexual encounters I know who I am. Sometimes I have intrusive thoughts about not liking people who are gay and those make me upset because I love everyone. But then again I have intrusive thoughts about saying slurs to every person. And the reason theyre inteusive is because they make me feel bad since I, without my OCD, would never say those things. Basically, my point is, those intrusive thoughts arw intrusive because its not the person who thinks like that or believes in that, its a seperate part, its the ocd, not at all the persons real thoughts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 6y
I struggled with HOCD in high school and I can tell you that for me, personally, it wasn’t so much a fear of being gay as it was that I knew I wasn’t gay and I couldn’t stand that my thoughts would not match up with what I knew to be true about myself. It’s like any other intrusive thought. I know I will be professional in a meeting, but I can’t stop picturing myself yelling out a random noise at every meeting I attend. For me, what is hard is not being able to out logic the illogical thoughts. I know when the mental illness is doing the thinking for me, and knowing it but not being able to stop it is extremely frustrating.
- Date posted
- 6y
I hear you. I don’t have HOCD, but I do think for most people it’s not that they are afraid of being gay because it is “bad”, in many cases it is more that they fear what that means for their current relationship. HOCD and ROCD often go together. If they are in a hetero relationship and they are really gay, then that must mean that they are lying to their significant other about being attracted to them, which then causes a lot of guilt. Like I said, I don’t have HOCD, but I do understand how it can easily relate to ROCD. Take care and know that you are loved and accepted just as you are!
- Date posted
- 6y
@Becky B. How are you nowadays? In terms of your anxiety and your attraction coming back?
- Date posted
- 6y
@ocd333 I agree! I think that’s what sexual themes come up in general. We don’t wanna act on things that are out of character for us personally.
- Date posted
- 6y
thank you, everyone!
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey I can relate to that a lot. It really brings your mood down a lot. It can be hard to remember that that’s their OCD talking but because I can relate to that too, it helps. I think that maybe someone (in the queer community or as an ally) without OCD would find it hard because they can’t necessarily understand the thought process.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 6y
@Brookenoel, I am really struggling with the OCD nowadays but no longer HOCD. I now struggle more with social triggers and fears surrounding my job.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Here are some things that make me feel alone and isolated in my journey with sexual orientation OCD: 1. This feels like a complete identity crisis. I think that is what makes it so hard. It seems to go against everything I believe myself to be and who I always have identified as. 2. My compulsions, thoughts, triggers, and everything else that comes along with this disease feels and seems like I’m the only one that struggles with those things. My thoughts and images in my head often seems so real that it can only be me in denial. 3. Because this sub type of OCD is so sexual in nature, it has made my sex life with my husband, a really hard situation. Because I always get afraid and sex that I will think of these thoughts, I subconsciously then think of those thoughts, and if I have any type of feeling associated with those thoughts, it feels like proof that those thoughts are real and that makes it even harder. 4. Because a lot of the pleasure that comes with sex is on hot for me while I’m figuring out in this journey with OCD, my mind has convinced me that it is because I will only feel those things if I were with someone at the same sex (I am a straight female. I have a fear of being homosexual.). Well, all those things have made it really hard for me to function daily, I am doing a lot better at finding ways to combat those. I wanted to offer some of the things that I find that help me move past these thoughts and while it’s not always a perfect fix, it’s really helped. 1. I tried to remind myself daily that while love is a feeling it’s also choice. I have to remind myself to get up every single day and choose my husband not because I always feel like choosing him because that is who I choose. That is who I want. That is who I want to grow a relationship with to have a child with Thus why I always don’t feel that love, I always choose it. And while this can be really hard because just society as a whole has made us have these unrealistic ideas about what love is and made us think that love is just this huge with butterflies and sparks, it’s not always that. 2. I try to remind myself that these are just thoughts. And thoughts are not who I am. I don’t have to become the thoughts. I’m not a bad person for thinking of thoughts, and I don’t have to believe the thoughts. 3. When I get, like I often do, groinal responses to the things that I am thinking or seeing in my mind I just remind myself that those are responses to the anxiety I have. I’m not thinking those because I want to think those, but it’s in a response too The fear that I will think those and that I will get that response and then in turn I get the response. 4. I tried to remind myself that this isn’t a fear of coming out like if I was gay, this is a fear associated with a thought that I would be because that’s not who I am. If I really was gay, I would like the thought I would like the pleasure and I would be afraid of coming out. But in this situation, I don’t want any of the thoughts not because I’m afraid of coming out of this because it’s not who I am. If that makes sense.
- Date posted
- 20w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
- Date posted
- 19w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
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