- Username
- Gay
- Date posted
- 6y ago
i don’t think you are being over sensitive at all. i would also be upset if I were you. but i also understand that for these people with HOCD, they don’t necessarily think it’s bad for someone be gay, they are just familiar with being straight and are scared they are something they didn’t think they were, if that makes any sense?
Hey I struggle with HOCD and I just want to say that I’m so sorry that you feel this way! Please know that I have never met someone with HOCD who is homophonic! In fact, I’ve only seen the opposite. Like the people above have said, it really is just that our thoughts/feelings don’t match up with what we truly want. I’m truly sorry you feel this way! Your emotions matter and I hope you know that we don’t think you or anyone in the homosexual community is a disgrace or “worst case scenario”
I’m in high school right now though, and lately I’ve heard a lot of homophobic slurs, and I think that that’s just been getting to me. I’m probably just being overly sensitive ??♀️
I used to have intrusive thoughts about being gay but they only scared me because I was scared that maybe I was lying to people by telling them I was straight and I hate lying. Or that Id be bullied if I was gay. Or that I was tricking people who thought I likes boys. Basically my intrusive thoughta about being gay were intrusive thoughts that I might be lying to myself and others and I was a bad person for being so manipulative. They also were only bad when I was goin through puberty and now that Im an adult and have experiences sexual encounters I know who I am. Sometimes I have intrusive thoughts about not liking people who are gay and those make me upset because I love everyone. But then again I have intrusive thoughts about saying slurs to every person. And the reason theyre inteusive is because they make me feel bad since I, without my OCD, would never say those things. Basically, my point is, those intrusive thoughts arw intrusive because its not the person who thinks like that or believes in that, its a seperate part, its the ocd, not at all the persons real thoughts
I struggled with HOCD in high school and I can tell you that for me, personally, it wasn’t so much a fear of being gay as it was that I knew I wasn’t gay and I couldn’t stand that my thoughts would not match up with what I knew to be true about myself. It’s like any other intrusive thought. I know I will be professional in a meeting, but I can’t stop picturing myself yelling out a random noise at every meeting I attend. For me, what is hard is not being able to out logic the illogical thoughts. I know when the mental illness is doing the thinking for me, and knowing it but not being able to stop it is extremely frustrating.
I hear you. I don’t have HOCD, but I do think for most people it’s not that they are afraid of being gay because it is “bad”, in many cases it is more that they fear what that means for their current relationship. HOCD and ROCD often go together. If they are in a hetero relationship and they are really gay, then that must mean that they are lying to their significant other about being attracted to them, which then causes a lot of guilt. Like I said, I don’t have HOCD, but I do understand how it can easily relate to ROCD. Take care and know that you are loved and accepted just as you are!
@Becky B. How are you nowadays? In terms of your anxiety and your attraction coming back?
@ocd333 I agree! I think that’s what sexual themes come up in general. We don’t wanna act on things that are out of character for us personally.
thank you, everyone!
Hey I can relate to that a lot. It really brings your mood down a lot. It can be hard to remember that that’s their OCD talking but because I can relate to that too, it helps. I think that maybe someone (in the queer community or as an ally) without OCD would find it hard because they can’t necessarily understand the thought process.
@Brookenoel, I am really struggling with the OCD nowadays but no longer HOCD. I now struggle more with social triggers and fears surrounding my job.
I’ve never heard of HOCD. When I read about it, it says “fear of being homosexual when you are straight or vice versa,” yet it’s still called “homosexual OCD.” I’m a lesbian and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this concept because honestly the symptoms sound kind of homophobic? Constantly FEARING you might be gay? I’m trying to think of it from other people’s perspective and trying not to be insensitive, it’s just that when I was questioning my sexuality it’s because I was actually gay, and the symptoms sound a lot like someone just discovering their sexuality but being struck with fear and hiding it. Thoughts?
A little clarification on my (and many others’) experience with HOCD. Yes, “I don’t care what my sexuality is, I just wanna know for sure” makes the case for HOCD stronger and more ‘qualified’ sounding- however that is not the only HOCD can manifest. Saying that, can trigger some HOCD sufferers who are simply weary of identifying as lgbtq (an understandable fear). Do NOT get me wrong however. I would do ANYTHING for my friends who are bi and gay. I love them SO dearly and will fight for them for forever. Lgbtq folk who struggle with their identities, and not being loved by the people who are supposed to love them no matter what- INSPIRE me with their resilience. Their strength. Their confidence to live out who they are to the fullest extent. I watched the movie Love, Simon and cried like a baby, and am incredibly excited that Pete Buttigieg is the USA’s first openly gay presidential candidate. However this does not discount the struggles that many lgbtq people face. So many are not accepted by their families, have extremely difficult life transitions, and agonize over coming out. These are not things that people willingly want to go through. Is is completely unreasonable for someone suffering with HOCD to also fear these things? As an example (I’m black)- there is a difference in saying that you wouldn’t want to be black because you believe we are less than, versus saying that you wouldn’t want to struggle with the same things that we do. Just because you understand the trials and tribulations that black people go through in this country and would not want that for yourself, does NOT mean you are racist. It simply means you understand that there is pain. And no human willingly wants pain. Although these are exact things lgbtq people have to deal with (making HOCD distinctly different from most other pure o themes because it becomes impossible to differentiate us from people actually struggling with their identity) it shouldn’t be ignored that HOCD sufferers fear them too! Why wouldn’t we? This is such a deep rooted issue for sufferers because, where you could say someone who is suffering with POCD would never hurt a child simply because their thoughts horrify them (and a real pedophile wouldn’t be scared of their thoughts) you can’t say the same for HOCD. For some of us HOCD people who have these specific fears, it’s even more difficult to trust that what we have is ocd and it’s even more difficult to explain to someone else that what we have is ocd. I’ve had different themes of OCD throughout my life and the obsessive and compulsive behaviors have been the same, but this one makes me feel like I don’t even get to qualify. What a mind-fuck for us, huh? Also understand, this definitely isn’t my only fear. I have been attracted to, day-dreamed about, and desperately wanted to be with one gender my entire life. Having a husband was something I’ve wanted for so very long. It IS a part of who I am and what I want. It’s distressing to think this could all be lost one day. To have these ‘dreams’ stolen by obsessive thoughts, and be made to believe that it was all a lie- is just as hard to deal with as any other form of ocd. When I envision the life that ocd is telling me I “actually” want- I’m filled with sadness. How do any of the rest of you deal with your ocd telling you that you want (or want to do) something- that you actually don’t? I know this can be controversial, and truly truly hope I do not offend anyone- lgbtq friends, I truly do love you. I just want everyone to know that what we can struggle with within each theme, can be very different- but none are any less important or qualified than the others. If you truly disagree and want to share, please be kind. I am just as fragile as a lot of us on here. I’m suffering too.
I’m new to the site but not at all new to OCD. I’ve seen a lot of posts about “hocd” and just generally posts about people thinking they’re gay or whatever. I’m a lesbian and honestly it’s a really confusing and awful thing to see. I’m sure the posts aren’t literally homophobic but like, it’s shitty to go on an app to help your mental illness and then to see people portray homosexuality as an illness!!!! I know that there could be straight people who have these intrusive thoughts but HEY!! I had those intrusive thoughts too and I ended up being gay. I thought it was all anxiety but it wasn’t! It just feels so weird to see this stuff. If I saw those posts as a teenager, I might still be closeted and self-hating. Anyone else have thoughts?
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