I wish I wasn’t grieving and depressed so much about my ex who i felt I didn’t have enough feelings for, whom with I was forcing loving actions because they didn’t come naturally. I’m just wanting to do nothing right now and wallow in grief until it lifts. But that may takes longer than I have actual time to do nothing. I feel like the universe didn’t deem me good enough for him ?? despite that I mentally wanted him and fought for it so much. He was amazing. Was trying to tell myself the universe probably has a more complex way of deciding who’s with who, and it is too simplistic and probably incorrect for me to assume ‘I’m not good enough.’ See, I even said ‘probably’. Sigh...I wish I was nicer to myself.

Thanks

How do you feel about it now? Have you started dating again?

Ok thanks for the info

I’ve told him several times, but it was never in a fully romantic way and he knew that too...but also I’ve never loved a friend so much, never wanted to take care of someone the way I did with him. He fought for the relationship too, but I kept not being emotionally available enough as I or he expected for a relationship. Like when we were officially together I didn’t miss him when he went on vacation for two weeks. I’d only miss him when we’d separate in the past (we were friends with benefits prior, on and off), and now that it’s over.

@Ditto~ It’s strange to me, this tangled web of intense and lackluster feelings.

I had nothing but stress from the lack of romantic feeling while in the relationship, despite a perfect situation. It was stress to the point of being unhealthy tension within my body, and no excitement, despite I used to spend hours with him and never get bored.

@Ditto~ do you still have the same feelings. If true then you both love each other try to talk again. Because you won't find anyone like him ever again

@Kanikakanoka2671 Yea that’s the regret part. But nothing changed for 3.5 years. I started ERP therapy when we got together officially this past September, but there was always this nagging feeling from the very beginning that wouldn’t leave, saying you need to try dating other people to see if you catch feelings with someone new and it be a good fit. I’ve never not had identifiable feelings for someone before. I still love him. That’s why I can’t even talk to him right now as I try to move forward; it makes me an emotional wreck. I just feel I have to take the risk.

@Kanikakanoka2671 The erp didn’t work and the therapist seemed aggravated with my lack of understanding and progress, nor did I feel she understood me, so I left. But on this side of things, I have made an appointment with a new therapist so that will happen next week.

Thanks, you do the same. ??

How often do you go to therapy for treatment?