I feel like my hocd is targeting all girls but one in specific. And I just feel like that’s not as common. It feels real. I sound like a broken record about this but I am mainly obsessing if it’s real with her or not. I don’t want it to be. We used to be so close. As well as in general but it’s bad bad with her. My sexual intrusive thoughts have pretty much limited to just her. And I honestly want to throw up. Why do I feel like this situation is only happening to me

Ok :) that's a fair thing to ask once. Be wary if you start needing that information again and again

@ocdillustrated The fact that mine is targeted more towards one person just makes me feel more alone and more of an outsider with this like it’s not ocd and it’s denial ?

@Ocdandme123 It may be worth teasing apart wanting to connect with someone who understands from wanting evidence to prove that it is OCD

I feel doing erp with her would feel stalkerish. I don’t know what to do.

@Ocdandme123 Sorry I just meant like treat it like you would other obsessions.

@lmj Don’t be sorry! I just don’t know what to do cuz it’s so weird and makes me so uncomfortable :( erp is what I need to do I’m just nervous

I want to quit my job. I don’t want to go to work. Her ex bf made a comment about how we would be lesbian together and ever since my hocd came, it’s clung to that and because I work with her, it’s just getting worse and feels more and more real. I used to want to be her friend so bad but I could care less. And she has gotten so offended by me pulling away from her. And ever since my friend asked me if she was curious too if I would want to be with her and I can’t be sure of my answer and it’s all I obsess about. If she’s just a pretty and funny close friend or if it’s a crush and I’m denying feelings. I truly don’t know. And I want to do compulsions like ask her if she’s curious to help my brain or break up with my bf cuz it’s not fair to him and I honestly am so stuck. I’m so scared. I don’t think I could date her cuz she would drive me crazy. But my mind still just isn’t sure. I am constantly crying.

@Ocdandme123 You don’t have to be sure, if you don’t want to be with her you don’t have to. You make those choices. I know it’s so hard and I know it sucks, but you have to talk to her. Don’t avoid things because you don’t want to see her, because I used to do that to and it didn’t help. I had to force myself to talk to her and then I noticed that I don’t like her. I really had nothing to worry about, it was just my mind going crazy. Everything is hard with ocd but you have to choose to be stronger than it!

@Afazz I know I do. It’s just so scary. I feel like if I get close with her again I’ll just end up liking her. But I don’t want to. I think deep down I know who she really is and I wouldn’t be able to be with her. But then you know the whole yeah but seriously what if you could kind of thing comes in and you doubt what you really think. I was very close with her and admired her and wanted tk dress better around her and wanted her to like me and she’s gorgeous and perfect and then her ex made the comment about us being lesbian and it just hasn’t been the same since. She’s been easily the worst trigger I have and it’s so bad to the point where she is most of what I obsess about which feels WEIRD. I feel like a creep weirdo

@Ocdandme123 Which then makes it feels real. I think how could this be ocd if all I think about is obsessing over one girl. But I cry and feel like puking. Then I think what if that’s just cuz I’m so nervous that the thoughts are real. It’s never ending

@Ocdandme123 I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s not fun at all :( I just feel like most people know if these thoughts are the truth, it wouldn’t make you soooo upset you know? You would be able to tell if you are a lesbian. It wouldn’t be so confusing. You would know you liked that girl, you wouldn’t question it. Did you question your other crushes throughout your life? Probably not you just liked them, it wasn’t so confusing. Idk if I make since but I really don’t want you to get sucked in and believe these thoughts, if they make you miserable then they aren’t what’s right for you. Nothing you want makes you miserable.

@Afazz What if the thoughts don’t go away. I feel like I’d have to try to make them go away or not and I don’t want to do that so I just need them to go away :(

@Ocdandme123 They won’t just go away, you have to try to get them to go away. I had to just sit with the thoughts for like 30 minutes a day. I would sit and just let them make me upset, I would cry and cry. But I think In the long run that helped me out of it. We all just want them to go away, but it’s not that easy and I sure wish it was :( Nobody deserves to feel like that. How long have these thoughts been bothering you??

@Afazz It’s been almost 4 months. I’ve been on two dofferent medicines already and seen three different therapist. Nothing has helped. None of them were ocd or erp specialists though so I’m trying to find that. I feel so awful for my bf. All I want is to go back to before this with him. It’s been so tough on our relationship and I just want him to be the one at the end of this. But these thoughts feel like it’s going to make that impossible. Thank you for talking to me. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance but sometimes I just feel so alone and want to be buried in a hole

@Ocdandme123 I dealt with it for about 9 months and like the middle of those 9 months was the hardest for me. So maybe that’s what’s going on with you, it’s very rough in the beginning. But at some point you figure out how to cope. I actually never went to a therapist and I’m surprised I didn’t, but I think if you find one (who specializes in ocd definitely) it will help you with recovery a lot!! Have you talked to your bf about it? I mean I understand if you haven’t that’s very hard to talk about. But being in a relationship is super hard with ocd you both have to really work together to keep everything ok. But I think you can do it. He should support you through it all even if it’s hard for him. Also I think right now you need a little reassurance, sometimes in recovery things don’t go smoothly all the time. You’re very welcome though!!

@Afazz I hope I can get over it. I seriously feel like it’d be better to not live sometimes instead of feel this way. And yes I told him like the first week it hit hard core out of nowhere. I was not myself and felt sick and didn’t go to work and was crying nonstop. He knew something was up. And he has been so supportive but it’s really really hard. So so hard

@Ocdandme123 Yeah I understand. It’s all very hard and confusing but please don’t give up

@Afazz I won’t! Thank you so much ?

@Ocdandme123 You’re so welcome!!❤️❤️