TL;DR I am potentially going to be employed again after many paralyzing yes I have good news for once! It feels like it’s been forever since I had any hope, but I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was first diagnosed almost 5 years ago. Just before that, I was summarily fired from my job for having pedophilic thoughts (POCD). I work with kids a lot. I can see why I was fired, but it was handled the wrong way. That’s a story for later, I think. Relatively recently I got back into contact with my old boss (whom I love). I posted on Facebook that I was thinking about going back to school to get a degree in Early Childhood Development. Well ex-boss lady got into contact with me earlier today when I posted about getting my degree. For work she goes into homes in order to help children with behavioral problems. Her agency takes a different kind of approach towards mental well-being. We talked for a bit, caught up a little, and then she kinda pitched an idea to me. She thinks I would be perfect for the job. That’s enough motivation to face my fear of leaving the home. I am definitely interested since it gets me working with kids again. She’s gonna talk to her supervisor about it and see if there are any openings for me. Sorry for the novel I’m just really excited which is an unusual feeling for me.

Today I over came something that had been consistently bothering me with my contamination OCD and I'm over the moon I never thought I could do it yesterday the anxiety was there but I sat with and it faded I'm so happy thank you for all your support guys and I recently started working out and I feel much better To anyone out there struggling it gets better trust me a few months ago I was at the Lowest point in my life I couldn't even leave my house I failed really badly at school but now I can even go outside I try to socialize some days are harder than others and I've had a few hiccups along the way but it has gotten much better And I'm starting a recovery course for school to make up for my grades I'm so happy guys 😭then I can finally get into uni

This is my first post on this app, though I made this account back in late September of 2021. I grew up in a toxic environment, and was mentally abused by my parents, included being taken advantage of because of my autism. I’ve been suffering from OCD as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a child, I’ve sometimes had thoughts that scared me, and I’d often try to find ways to calm myself down. I’ve had thoughts over the smallest and silliest of things, but as time went on, these thoughts suddenly became more violent, like wanting to step in front of moving car while waiting for the bus, or grabbing a knife on the dinner table and using it to stab a family member. Even thoughts of death and what happens afterwards scared me. Aside from being afraid of a kids horror show for a while, OCD did bother me at points in my life, but they never severely crippled me… until my teenage years. Throughout my teen hood, I would very occasionally suddenly imagine fictional child characters being SA’d. I would also sometimes imagine children getting injured while noticing them sometimes. I didn’t know why those thoughts popped up into my head and they would weird me out, but I would be able to usually push them aside and not think about them too much… but it got worse after I was dropped out of high school without my consent by my parents. In March of 2017, I was at a gas station when I saw a child and imagined doing a disgusting action with them. It freaked me out immensely and sent me into a panic attack. I was able to calm down from it shortly after, but I think it planted a seed into my brain, and it would launch a horrific attack on me the very next month. Me and my family were driving around a town for a special occasion when I had the worst OCD attack I’ve ever had. Every child I saw, I imagined doing something disgusting to them. I was having a full blown panic attack and it honestly felt like my mind itself was being sexually assaulted by this horrifying thoughts. This incident scarred me mentally, and to this day, I’m still afraid of being around anyone younger than me. I tried researching what these thoughts could mean, and I found out about these being symptoms of OCD. After talking with a psychiatrist a month later, I was diagnosed with OCD. For a while, I thought I’d be okay from that point. I thought I could conquer this on my own… but by early 2018, I was still struggling. I eventually came out to my older sibling and parents about what I was dealing with. They thankfully didn’t ridicule me, and did help me with getting a therapist. The first visit with my therapist went alright, but I was an emotional mess after finishing the session. The next time I went in however, I was seen by someone else because my therapist was out. The man I saw honestly felt condescending, and he basically made go to a group therapy session. The group therapy didn’t help in the slightest, and with more toxicity developing in my family afterwards, I stopped going after the group therapy. I did see my therapist at least once I think, but that was it. Ever since 2018, I was silent about my OCD. I was just hoping that someday I’d be free of my shackles both from my mental illness and my toxic environment. Two years later though, a friend (now partner) of mine heard about my family’s living situation and wanted to help get me out of there. I first visited them in 2021, and thankfully I stay with them for the most part. That being said, I was still worried about opening up to them about my OCD. I did talk with them about general OCD from time to time, but never got into P OCD… until last year finally. I opened up them fully about it, and both they and their mother told me that they weren’t upset, and that they understood where I was coming from. I think that genuinely helped me out, and I don’t feel as anxious as I did before. Just yesterday, I finally talked about my OCD to my older sibling (they’re super supportive and understand our parents toxicity). I was genuinely nervous about telling them for a while out of fear of them either abandoning me or ratting me out… but they understood. They were accepting and didn’t ridicule me at all. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders… and honestly, I think I might have the courage to speak up on this app finally and hopefully find a therapist who can help me. I’ve been suffering with P OCD for over 8 years now ever since I was 18. I just recently turned 27 a few days ago. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long due to trauma, fear, and PTSD. But now, I think I want to take a step forward and get onto the road to recovery. It most likely won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight, but I feel relieved knowing I have people who love and support me, now that I’m in a better environment.

I’ve avoided driving majority of my teen years because I got into a head on collision when I was 17. Even before then, I was absolutely terrified of driving. Saying I was terrified is an understatement. I’d literally shake at the thought of anything to do with cars and imagine my body scrunching up with the car metal after getting into an accident. OCD would convince me that I simply cannot trust myself behind the wheel, and that something bad will happen - like I’ll kill my self, someone else, or an animal and I hated it. Needless to say, I genuinley could not bring myself to get started with driving until I was 19, which was a few months ago lol. I got my permit at 17, practiced driving a tiny bit then stopped after the accident I got into. I eventually got the permit renewed a few months ago at 19, then I finally got my license a month after. Now I’m 20, and today I drove myself 45 mins to and from work! I still need to practice more, but holy lord I never thought this day would come. All the years I’d feel embarassed/judge myself have come to an end. Just because I was delayed at doing something doesn’t mean I’m not capable. For anyone who has goals they want to reach and they feel like they’re impossible - they’re not. Fight OCD as best as you can. I hope I can be a symbol of hope for anyone whose struggling