Yall I feel like shit because theres this 17-18 year old bulky anime character that I think looks cute and I feel like I'm attracted to him yet I absolutely have 0 desire in sexualizing him. Is my OCD bullshitting me again or am I turning into a predator.

Sorry, I just always feel like I get treated like the biggest freak on this app (I mean I've been accused of being into the very thing my obsession is based around), so I get upset. I feel miserable, I don't know how to be, I'm sick of feeling like this. I don't wanna find nobody but people above 18 attractive. And it always just pulls out these disgusting ambiguous feelings and I literally can't tell what the hell is happening and how I really feel. Honestly why do I even bother. What if I get rid of my OCD and then I find out I've been a pedophile all along. Like why should I try and recover when everyone else has had a significantly less disgusting experience with POCD than me? That should be a sign that there's something specifically wrong with me and that I'm some magical exception (I mean, given my luck with my completely worthless life, I wouldn't be surprised). I'm just done. I will never heal from this. My life is ruined. Period.

@XXXXXXX Your OCD is convincing you that your experience is different from other people's. It's set on isolating you from community that could help you kick it to the curb.

@NOCD Advocate - ocdillustrated So far the community has barely done anything and even let someone accuse me of being into CP. And when I was angry they were reporting me because I was "triggering to people with menthol ewness" like I havent been diagnosed with the same shit they have. I am the butt of every group I try to belong to. That's just the truth. Everyone's horrible and I'm the worst and nothing will ever change.

@XXXXXXX That's so painful. You say you've lost all hope, yet some tiny bit of you reached out in the hope this time would be different

@NOCD Advocate - ocdillustrated it never is. Yall never offer anything that would make me wanna keep on living.

@NOCD Advocate - ocdillustrated Also I like the fact that nobody answered my original question which is the thing I made this post ABOUT

@XXXXXXX Well, I can't speak for anyone else, but I've got a clear reason in mind for why I'm not answering your "am i turning into a predator". I'm choosing not to respond to the content of your obsession because I believe that giving reassurance is neither friendly or helpful. I want to empower YOU, not feed your ocd

@NOCD Advocate - ocdillustrated I wanna know if this will ever stop

@XXXXXXX I don't know. I can't tell the future. What I do know is that it can get much much better and life can feel worth living. You're already trying hard. If you put that energy into erp, your life will change

@NOCD Advocate - ocdillustrated What if I put that energy into ERP and not only do I become desensitized to pedophilia but I either become a pedophile or a terrible person, or just continue having everything but refusing to react to it. I want it gone. I've been abused and treated like horse shit all my life and even that's been easier to get over and live with than this. This is my greatest enemy and I want it gone so bad. I want it gone NOW. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY!!!! Can 17 year olds even be conventionally attractive? Am I supposed to be worried if I just admire someone with a cute or a handsome face without wanting to sexualize them? I feel like a fucking CREEP