Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
Is this the post you referred to in your other one? 18 minutes can feel like eons when we're anxious, but it isn't really a reasonable length of time to expect a response in. Has your feeling changed in intensity at all since you posted? Where do you feel the distress in your body?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Sorry, I just always feel like I get treated like the biggest freak on this app (I mean I've been accused of being into the very thing my obsession is based around), so I get upset. I feel miserable, I don't know how to be, I'm sick of feeling like this. I don't wanna find nobody but people above 18 attractive. And it always just pulls out these disgusting ambiguous feelings and I literally can't tell what the hell is happening and how I really feel. Honestly why do I even bother. What if I get rid of my OCD and then I find out I've been a pedophile all along. Like why should I try and recover when everyone else has had a significantly less disgusting experience with POCD than me? That should be a sign that there's something specifically wrong with me and that I'm some magical exception (I mean, given my luck with my completely worthless life, I wouldn't be surprised). I'm just done. I will never heal from this. My life is ruined. Period.
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
@XXXXXXX Your OCD is convincing you that your experience is different from other people's. It's set on isolating you from community that could help you kick it to the curb.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - ocdillustrated So far the community has barely done anything and even let someone accuse me of being into CP. And when I was angry they were reporting me because I was "triggering to people with menthol ewness" like I havent been diagnosed with the same shit they have. I am the butt of every group I try to belong to. That's just the truth. Everyone's horrible and I'm the worst and nothing will ever change.
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
@XXXXXXX That's so painful. You say you've lost all hope, yet some tiny bit of you reached out in the hope this time would be different
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - ocdillustrated it never is. Yall never offer anything that would make me wanna keep on living.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - ocdillustrated Also I like the fact that nobody answered my original question which is the thing I made this post ABOUT
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
@XXXXXXX Well, I can't speak for anyone else, but I've got a clear reason in mind for why I'm not answering your "am i turning into a predator". I'm choosing not to respond to the content of your obsession because I believe that giving reassurance is neither friendly or helpful. I want to empower YOU, not feed your ocd
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - ocdillustrated I wanna know if this will ever stop
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
@XXXXXXX I don't know. I can't tell the future. What I do know is that it can get much much better and life can feel worth living. You're already trying hard. If you put that energy into erp, your life will change
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - ocdillustrated What if I put that energy into ERP and not only do I become desensitized to pedophilia but I either become a pedophile or a terrible person, or just continue having everything but refusing to react to it. I want it gone. I've been abused and treated like horse shit all my life and even that's been easier to get over and live with than this. This is my greatest enemy and I want it gone so bad. I want it gone NOW. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY!!!! Can 17 year olds even be conventionally attractive? Am I supposed to be worried if I just admire someone with a cute or a handsome face without wanting to sexualize them? I feel like a fucking CREEP
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
It's very very unlikely that would happen. However, nothing I say is going to relieve the uncertainty. This might be a situation where you have to take a leap of faith. Everything you've tried this far hasn't helped, so it's time to try something different
Related posts
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 22w
Maybe it is OCD (please say anything)
I have no idea anymore. I guess this all started with me worrying about whether I was gay, then whether I was a P, then worried about being just attracted to teenagers. After that I started freaking out about not feeling “grown up” enough. Like “I’m an adult wtf is wrong with me for seeing someone who is probably younger and thinking they’re physically attractive. Then I started overthinking not finding older adults (like 30 or 40) very attractive. Like ofc I’m probably not gonna find them attractive, they’re not anywhere close my age. Maybe the desires are half real. Maybe as a 21 yr old young adult I do find older teenagers (16+) somewhat physically attractive. I still think it’d be weird to date one. Maybe that’s the normal reaction I’m supposed to have. If not, please let me know. I just don’t wanna do anything illegal one day and I’m super scared I will. I can’t tell if the fear is my just being afraid of the law though, in which case I might actually just be a bad person. I hate that my brain is just rationalizing thoughts now. I feel like I can’t do the ERP thing of “just accept that the thoughts are there but don’t engage.” Like what? How can I just think a thought that might be so integral to my identity and just ignore it? If it’s all true and I don’t like people my age anymore then I have to know and plan around that, that could change my entire life. I’m rambling, my b.
Shaodidi
- Date posted
- 21w
I’m confused
I keep wondering if I’m attracted to this kid I saw a week ago or not, it keeps happening, I can’t figure it out, what I hope is false attraction is feeling too real, I don’t wan to like the kid, I never wish to like kids, I genuinely feel like I’m just in doubt, I can’t figure it out, it feels weird, I don’t feel any guilt, shame, disgust, or panic, idk why but ik that I’m supposed to feel that, it makes me feel like I’m a real p. I barley get any negative emotion from those thoughts anymore, even when these thoughts started I didn’t feel shame or guilt, but I think I did feel worry and panic, I’m not sure anymore, I don’t remember.
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 20w
Pocd?
Since I don't experience attraction towards children so I'm not a p*do. But I've seen some not really child looking character. Thought he's attractive. And scared if he's minor so googled his age. Says 11. But I didn't stopped and kept thought "no but he doesn't look 11", "he's attractive" I'm so scared. Some people says don't live in past but my another past mistakes are just.. disgusting. So lets say if one is caused because I was groomed, another one is caused because I was lacking of social skills. But I don't know if I'm still attracted to 14~16 year olds... I'm scared if I do. I think I'm an ap*ebophile and is also having pocd Lets say the thought "he doesn't look 11" is the reason why I'm not. But it's disgusting. Doesn't look 11 doesn't mean it's exceptional..
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